Is the Christmas Spirit Dead?

I never had a picture perfect Christmas like you see on television or the movies. My family is loving but we don't exactly show our emotions that much and we aren't "touchy feely". Living in Los Angeles, California there is no such thing as "white" Christmas with snow and hardly anyone actually decorates their houses or front yards. But when I was a little kid there was a Christmas spirit in the air. With each passing year that spirit dies in me more and more, and I don't remember what Christmas really feels like. Now I feel nothing special, only observe the commercialism of the holiday sales and the television ads. What happened to the real Christmas?

In my opinion good will, contagious smiles, and warm greetings are at a significant low, at least in my neck of the woods. Greed, selfishness, and materialism have killed all the good that Christmas used to stand for. Buying gifts seems like a culturally forced act where it isn't a choice at all, but a peer pressure to spoil our loved ones for no particular reason. I do enjoy giving, as the smile and surprise that it brings, though fleeting, is rewarding. I don't care for material things that much and don't often go shopping. This is partially because I mostly care about music and I have my ways of getting it for free. But either way, I wouldn't have that much to buy since I usually stick to my most favorite artists. Luxuries seem like a thing of the past to me, a distant memory of a spoiled child. So I can not understand or relate to the ongoing drive to amass things for oneself in today's American society.

Maybe Christmas is just for children and I am longing for something that isn't made for me any more. Maybe I just haven't spent an intimate Christmas evening with a girlfriend to feel that special warmth in the air. I suspect that beneath all of the marketing and commercialism in Christmas there is a true spirit still alive and well. The family gathering, the well wishes to friends and strangers that I encounter on a daily basis, the over all positive outlook during such a solemn, yet joyful time. Maybe I just can't reach it because I am not trying hard enough. I don't exactly participate in the religious traditions that surround Christmas, and I don't put on Christmas music to bring out the mood. I don't go out of my way to watch Christmas movies on television. But those things don't appeal to me. All I want is that feeling, the feeling that can only be described as the warm and fuzzy Christmas spirit.

Perhaps much of the Christmas spirit is conjured by innocence. But how can I revert to a time before I was cynical about the world, before I began to distrust the entire human race, before I gave up my belief in Santa Claus and even the entire Christian faith? As a child I had no clue how the world worked and making a cartoon seemed just as magical to me as vanishing into thin air. I had a natural imagination then, and I didn't have to strain to find creativity. I felt secure as my mother wrapped me in her arms and my father ruffled my hair with his heavy hand. I was the center of attention as the baby of the family. And then I grew up. I abandoned my unattainable dreams, lost my innocence, and became a man. I was no longer the baby of the family. I was the biggest and the strongest. I needed no protection and I grew disgusted at the real world that lay ahead of me. I discovered the perversions of those who were most trusted and realized that most adults had no idea what they were talking about regarding politics, religion, and any other opinion that they ignorantly spewed out of their mouths. The magic in my life was gone. I didn't get joy out of cartoons, but instead out of complex movie plots and sexually driven websites. My taste in music became dark and aggressive. Christmas became an annoying children's game to me.

I can still do without a lot of what Christmas has to offer. I can do without some of my annoying relatives, or the bratty children, or the empty family movies, or the blatant commercialism. But I still want that Christmas spirit back. It's better than drinking myself stupid or getting high. It's a real feeling which origins are an inexplicable mixture of bodily chemicals induced by an unknown force. The Christ spirit can not be captured or manufactured. It comes from within. But how do I get it back?