Is Fourth Grade Too Young for a School Dance?
"Mommy, mommy!", my daughter shouted excitedly. "There's a school dance on Saturday. Can I go? Can I go?"
I tried to figure out how to let her down easily, but was left with a blank mind. All I knew was that fourth grade seemed a bit young to be promoting dancing with the opposite sex. Quickly, I just said, "Daddy and I will have to talk about this and let you know."
After talking it over, my husband and I both felt the same. Fourth grade was just too young for this sort of thing.
While we understand that kids need to socialize, there are ways to do so that do not involve promoting romanticism at such a young age. True, that this is just a dance, but any act of extra attention towards the opposite sex could cause a child to think deeper about relationships. We believe that at 9 years old, that is just too young for that. A 9 year old is simply not capable of the complex feelings associated with this, nor is 9 years old an appropriate age for this.
If children start thinking this way at an early age, it will inevitably lead to everything else that follows starting earlier. If a cycle of most anything is started early, it is highly likely that it will finish early as well.
This flier my daughter received stated that there would be "good music, good food, and good friends". While it did not imply that there would be dancing with the opposite sex, it didn't have to. I already overheard one of the other kids asking her who she would dance with if she went, to which of course, she answered with a male's name. Although she was a bit hesitant to do it, I knew all too well that were she to go, even though she wasn't really into boys yet, impressing her friends would ultimately overrule whatever she felt, pushing her to further pursue boys.
I didn't understand why an elementary school would even consider doing this. Middle and high school are one thing, but elementary is a whole different crowd. While the dance was only for the fourth graders, the oldest kids at this particular school, in my opinion, it will only be a matter of time before these activities would be introduced to the younger ones, as if 9 years old wasn't bad enough.
I understand that the faculty who organized this likely had good intentions, but where children are concerned, more thought should be put into what message is being sent for any activity chosen. Activities should always be age appropriate.
As you may have guessed, our daughter ended up being let down by us because like any other kid, it is disappointing to miss any activity that your friends are attending. While she was highly disappointed, given a second chance, my choice would remain the same.
Published by Lyn Lomasi - Featured Contributor in Lifestyle
Lyn's the Community Advocate at Yahoo! Contributor Network. Contact her with community issues & ideas. She's been contributing since 2007 and previously acted as a Community Guide. Read her tips for success... View profile
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12 Comments
Post a CommentI know at least at the schools in my district there are dances for all the grades, which I have chaperoned. At the k-3, and 4-5 dances (different schools) the students don't dance with the opposite sex, at all, with the biggest exception being that older brothers tend to dance with their little sisters at the k-3 dance. It almost never goes the other way, and again, not outside the family. Parents are encouraged to attend the k-3 dance and often also attend the 4-5 dance also. The next was 6-8 dance there is some more dancing with the opposite sex but it is still mostly just dancing with friends. They spend more time TALKING about who they will dance with than actually dancing with them. Most of them are too shy to ask on both sides.
Wow. I just saw your comments, ziion. I totally agree with you. Great comments. :-)
Another insightful article. The schools come up with things that sometimes make no sense. Here in Georgia, in one county they have turned Grades upside down (meaning an "A" is now an "F". So reversing all of the grades is their "self esteem solution". These are folks with Masters degrees, mind you.
Schools unfortunately are dropping the ball, coming up with things that don't make much sense. More and more parents are tiring of the madness, turning to homeschooling.
Otherwise parents need to be more proactive in confronting the boards on how things are going.
If the "dances" are just socials, then indeed have a social with families. But at nine, romance is something of a "peach out of reach". Too young.
What about the people who get turned down in public for a dance? Nine is too young to have to carry that, because your coping skills aren't quite there yet.
Also, a school promoting that now could potentially be sued for not promoting girl-girl and boy-boy romantic dan
I agree Lisa. I want my kids to just be kids. My first dance was in the 6th grade, but I didn't dance with boys. My first dance with a boy didn't happen until about 8th or 9th grade. I honestly can't remember because I had only one boyfriend from age 14 to 18 and we went to seperate schools, so I can't remember which school and how I old I was. LOL
Excellent article~kids grow up way too fast these days. I want my daughters to enjoy being kids for as long as they can. My first dance was in the 8th grade!!!
I agree Carol, but this event was designed so that family was not welcome, only the fourth graders. While it didn't specify boy/girl dancing, all the kids were talking about which boy or girl to dance with. So, I didn't think it was appropriate. I also love those sock hops or the decades dances that involve the whole family. Unfortunataly this school doesn't have those. :(
My first thought was to totally agree with you. But then I thought of my own school days when we had family picnics and square dances. And my own kids' elementary school has a sock hop every year. So I guess it depends on how the dance is presented. If the kids are required to be with family as opposed to dropped and picked up, and if it isn't designed as a girl/boy activity, it can be a fun social event.
Heather, I remember those times, too. The sad thing is that things are much different now and we have to be much more cautious than we used to be.
We had school dances when I was in fourth grade. They were always a lot of fun, just a time for everyone to get together and socialize. Most of the time no one was really dancing, except to maybe the elecric slide. We just talked, walked around, enjoyed each other's company.
Thanks Cheryl S. :-)