Is He Cheating? - Simple Ways to Expose the Truth

You've probably read or been told that if you suspect your man is cheating - there's a good chance that he is. This is ridiculous! Because a cheating partner is one of our deepest primal fears, of course we're going to wonder if our partner has cheated, or will. And in turn, our partner will wonder the same about us on occasion. Your suspicion is in no way an early warning sign of your partner's probable guilt. I have always suspected that lost socks are actually being thrown away by kids who didn't want to haul them to the laundry basket - yet this doesn't mean they ever actually did that. More often than not, I found the missing socks inside toy boxes and the crevices of furniture sometime later on. But if your suspicions seem founded to you, and you're ready to take measures to discover the truth - you also need to make sure you're ready to face this truth.

A cheating man tends to know your schedule and routine better than you do. You may notice them paying closer attention to your work hours, and appointment schedule - and maybe even asking how long certain tasks outside the home will take you. Normally, you would think it would be best to keep him guessing - however this isn't the thing to do. Instead, give him air tight details of your whereabouts, and the length of time you will be away. You'll need this later on, because there will be times you'll need him to rest assured you're at a certain location for a certain length of time - when in fact, you're not.

All of a sudden they are never late, you never get voice mail, and they are always right where they say they'll be. Almost everyone gets sidetracked on occasion, makes unexpected stops, or spends longer than they anticipated and runs a little late. However, a cheater is overly aware of the suspicion these things could raise - so they tend to go over and above to be reachable, and exactly where they say they will be. Just in case you were to check. If your partner is suddenly doing this, contrary to what your instinct may tell you to do - do not check up on him. You need him to believe you have zero suspicion.

Some men will suddenly socialize with and become friendly with your friends and family - people he use to barely speak to. This is because these are generally the people that would judge him and his actions the most critically - and generally the people you would turn to if you did begin to suspect him. Does he suddenly seem more affectionate toward you in their presence? These are the people that would likely advise you to leave your partner, when and if he is caught cheating. So subconsciously, he's trying to "win them over". When and if he's caught, he's hoping these people - your own support system - would tell you that yes he may have done wrong - but he's a good guy.

Pay extra attention to his closest friend, quite often this person knows the truth. Do they suddenly seem nervous in your presence? Do they avoid talking to you about your partner? Have they stopped dropping by, or calling as frequently as they once did? This person generally knows what's going on and doesn't want to be caught in the middle, or worse yet - asked point blank - and be forced to lie. So you may notice them suddenly being nervous around you - or avoiding you entirely. On the other hand, if this is one of your partner's friend that never cared for you much, you may notice them becoming increasingly more bold with this dislike. If they think your partner is perhaps going to leave you - they won't feel the need to respect you or even be civil.

If your partner works in a place where personal phone calls are frequent, and not against any type of rule - call and leave a message of just regular importance - not an emergency message - then time how long it takes him to return the call. Do this several times over a week or so, to get an idea of his average call back time. Then pick a day when he thinks you're NOT going to call him, then call and leave an ambiguous message with the switchboard or secretary. Do not identify yourself or leave a call back number, and make your message one that could have several meanings - such as "stop by at 6 if you can." Then sit back and see how long it takes him to return your call. If you're the only female that he knows who would instruct him to drop by at 6 - his call back time should be within the average - and he should be confused by your message. If he takes an extremely long time to call you back - humor him. It's always possible he was just really busy. But pay attention to his tone - does he seem a little irritated? Does he tell you that next time you should leave your name? This is a strong indication that he was uncertain WHICH woman phoned him.

Of course we all know about the tried and true methods of looking over credit card statements, phone bills, and checking the mileage on his automobile. There's also looking closely at the impression of writing left on note pads, after the scribbled messages have been pulled from the pads. You can sometimes hit redial on the phone they used, and discover another woman at the end of the line. Restoring the contents of the recycle bin on his computer is sometimes a way to catch a cheater too. But you should also pay closer attention to the trash cans in your home. It's doubtful anyone would scribble out or tear up a normal phone message or receipt. If you see scribbled out notations or things that have been torn into little pieces - it's likely this is something your partner didn't want you to see. Generally these things will be down into the trash can as well, and more often than not - right by something yucky that he wouldn't imagine you'd touch.

Men typically have a hard time remembering telephone numbers, so it's very likely he will have the other woman's phone number written down somewhere. The best place to hide something is always in plain sight. Therefore numbers to pay attention to are handwritten on frequently used business cards, the memo section of a day planner by a known client's name, or anywhere that he normally jots important numbers down. The number will likely be associated with a different name, or no name at all. It isn't always the case, but in today's technological work - more often than not, the number you're looking for will be a cell phone number. Have you ever noticed when you're taking down an important number, you tend to write the area code too - even if it's a local number? These are generally numbers that someone on the phone has repeated to you - and you've written them verbatim. The number you're looking for likely won't be written this way. It will likely be written with no area code, and no additional notations. Why? Because this is a number they are trying to memorize, and they will instinctually jot down just as they would dial it.

Although this doesn't apply in all cases, sometimes a person with something to hide will automatically ask you "why" after they answer questions you ask them. The person will generally answer the simple question you ask them, then hesitate a few seconds, and ask you why you were asking. They do this, because there's always that chance they may have done something that raised suspicion with you, and made you question them to begin with. Your answer is important to them, because it could give them the tip off that you're paying more attention now, checking up on things, or wondering about them or their actions. Be careful when you answer, never use a suspicious or accusatory tone or manner. Simply say you just wondered, thought they might have forgot, or were reminding them.

The hardest thing to do, but one of the most crucial, is to provide them with opportunities to come clean with the truth. One of the best methods for doing this is to stage a "Conscience Talking out Loud" situation in their presence. Imagine an Angel on one shoulder giving you advice, and the Devil on the other - and yourself as your partner - trying to decide what would be the right thing to do. Have a couple of your friends drop by and carefully steer the conversation to someone having cheated on their partner. Have one friend be adamant that this means divorce, absolutely unforgivable. Have the other be adamant that they would view this as a warning sign that a relationship needs help, and that they would go to any lengths necessary to save their relationship. Make sure both friends argue their sides to the fullest, because all of these scenarios have probably already been playing out in your partner's mind a million times. You remain somewhat neutral and stress the importance of truth and honesty, and how lies and deceit can destroy the relationship faster than the actual infidelity itself. It's doubtful your partner will drop to his knees and give a full confession on the spot, but it is likely once he sees your honest opinion, and how very important truth is to you... he will lean more toward the honest side of his conscience than the side that's telling him "what she don't know - won't hurt her".

In order to give your partner the benefit of the doubt, and not place undue strain on the relationship, always approach any of these methods with caution. You never want to let your partner know that you suspect them in any way. These methods work best when your partner doesn't expect you to be checking up on him. This is why private investigators typically have better luck than you do. Your partner usually doesn't expect a complete stranger to be watching them and checking up on their actions. Think of yourself and how you drive when you see a patrol car in the rear view mirror. Then think of how you drive when there's not a law enforcement officer in sight. Your partner will react this same way if he notices you in the rear view mirror, and in turn, if he thinks the coast is clear.