Is He the Guy for You?

I've been there. Done that. Mind you it was more than twenty years ago, but I've got a great memory for things that happened twenty or thirty years ago. I'm just not so great at remembering things that happened this morning!

Back to the party. He is coming over to you! You look behind you to make sure it is actually you that he is locking eyes with - and he has the most beautiful blue eyes you have ever seen. He notices your furtive glances and smiles at you - and he has the most gorgeous smile you have ever seen. He sits down beside you and says, "I hope you don't mind if I join you here. You've got the most beautiful eyes and the most gorgeous smile I've ever seen. What's your name?"

You try unsuccessfully to remember your own name and manage a weak "Hi." He laughs and gently touches your shoulder. "It's really loud in here. Would you like to join me for a walk?"
You say "Sure, I love walking!" You wonder how dorky that sounded as you stand up and hope you remember how to walk.

I hate to interrupt this magical moment, but it's time for a quick reality check. What do you know about this guy? Yes, yes, I know he is the most gorgeous creature God ever created, and I know how flattered you are that out of all the girls at that party, he picked you to take a walk with. You don't even know his last name yet, but you are sure it will sound great with a "Mrs." in front of it.

Slow down there, girl! Yes, enjoy the magic, but keep your wits about you, child! You wouldn't hire someone to walk your dog without an interview, so why on God's green earth would you get into a guy's car if you don't even know his last name?

I'm not suggesting that you give up dating, or that you interrogate every guy before the first date. (If it is your daughter who is dating, let me know and I'll send you an application form for "Permission to Date My Teenage Daughter"). I'm just saying that you open your eyes, and for heaven's sake listen to that little voice inside your head that is screaming at you.

When that incredibly cute guy asks you out, you may be tempted to ignore that little voice because - He's Cute!!! And He Asked You Out!!! But you need to take off the blinders of new love to see if there are signs that he won't be a great boyfriend. These are not hard and fast rules, just my observations.

1. Is he really nice, with gentlemanly manners - opening the door for you, pulling your chair for you, bringing you flowers; but treats the other women in his life (especially his mother) like crap? If you notice this, it's not because you have changed him. Once you become a part of his life, and the "New Love Syndrome" has worn off, he will treat you like crap too.
(Hint: when he starts flirting with the waitress, the new love syndrome has worn off.)

2. Has he had an inordinately high number of girlfriends? The guys in the locker room might be cheering him on, but if you want a boyfriend who will stick around for awhile, don't choose the guy with all the notches on his gym locker.

3. Does he pressure you for sex, or scoff at your decision (if you have made one) to save sex for marriage?

4. Is he the total opposite of you? It may be true that opposites attract, and every relationship requires some compromise; but if you like jazz and he likes heavy metal, you like the ballet and he likes monster truck rallies, then maybe he isn't the guy for you.

5. Does he get angry easily? This question is similar to #1 - if he manages to keep his cool with you, but loses it with everyone else; it is probably just a matter of time until he reverts to his normal behavior with you as well.

6. Does he frequently complain about his old girlfriends? Did he have unrealistic expectations of them? If you ask him why he broke up with his last girlfriend, does he give a reason that doesn't make sense? Do you want to be the next ex that he complains about to his new girlfriend?

Benjamin Franklin once said, "Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards." We tend to do the opposite. Aesop said "Familiarity breeds contempt". No matter how cute he is, if he is a total jerk you need to break it off now, before you get emotionally attached. Sorry to break it to you, but love doesn't conquer all, and you are not going to be the one who finally turns the frog into a prince. Find one who is already a prince. (Hint: a prince will treat you like a princess. A frog will treat you like a fly.)