Is He for Real or Just Trying to Seal the Deal?

I'm going to let you in on a little secret ladies: A man on a mission for a steady booty call can hold out for weeks, sometimes months. This is something you may not be willing to face, but the sooner you realize it the sooner you can get busy weeding out the players from the winners. Of course there is nothing wrong with spending a little time with Mr. Right Now if that is on your agenda, but if you are looking for a lasting, meaningful relationship you need the tools to spot him, and you need to be able to spot the fools.

The first step in finding a lasting relationship is knowing that even Prince Charming himself will not turn down an invitation for sex and that is perfectly normal and should be expected behavior. Men are biologically wired with the ability to spot a potential for sex from a mile away and will seek it as if on autopilot. It is really no different than you are at a shoe sale so it's best not to judge and just accept it for what it is. This in and of itself does not rule out the potential for a lasting relationship with a quality guy. The question is, how do you know the difference between a man who only wants to join you in bed from a man who will join you at your best friend's wedding?

He wants it, but will wait for it: As typical as it sounds, this is the single most indicator of someone who has intentions to take the relationship further than breakfast the morning after sex. We already know a man will make it known he would enjoy a sexual relationship, but if he is pressuring you, manipulating you by insinuation you are a tease or that no one else "waits this long" or tells you he has his choice of a number of other women who are willing to bed him, run to the nearest exit like the place is on fire. It is wise to wait a few months before having sexual relationship if a relationship is indeed what you are after. As unfair as it sounds, as sexist as it may be, there is a double standard which permeates our culture. This double standard is that while a man wants sex and wants it now, on some levels his respect level for you will plummet if you are open for business because his ass looks hot in jeans and he sprung for the lobster. Men enjoy a challenge. This is why most of them love sports, or take it as a declaration of war when someone passes them in traffic. A man who cannot see past his own erection to consider the fact that you value the offering of your body in an intimate relationship and don't want to hand it out like a free pamphlet isn't worth your time. Your only part in all this is honesty. A tease is someone who is not honest with her intentions either. If you don't plan on entering into a sexual relationship for a said amount of time, or until you are exclusive, you need to let him know. In those words. Early on. You don't want him wasting your time, don't waste his either. When everyone knows where they stand you can start moving.

He does what he says he's going to do when he says he is going to do it: Look, if you wanted a man who gave you a six hour window of when he was expected to show up you would have called a cable guy. Men who are in it for the long haul arrive when they say they will. Earlier is best but don't be a diva. Five or 10 minutes either way isn't the end of the world so long as he is always consistent. Any more than 15 minutes later than when you expect him is just rude unless he has a valid reason, such as a speeding ticket you can verify the time on. Same goes for phone calls and invitations for dates. Don't go all psycho on him and expect five phone calls a day, but it is reasonable to expect a few phone calls a week if you are newly dating, or near daily communication if you are exclusive. The time frame still applies. A man with the intention of developing a relationship isn't one who only calls you at 1 am drunk to ask what you are doing and if you want some company. You can talk to pathetic men in the middle of the night at the tune of $4.99 per minute if you wanted that kind of relationship and pay off your student loans to boot. Relationship men don't make plans last minute unless there is a reasonable explanation (he just scored a promotion at work and wants to celebrate with you for example), they don't cancel plans unless they are in body casts, and they don't call you 4 hours after they tell you they are going to call unless they are calling to say goodbye to you...forever.

There are other people who know you are dating besides you and him: Dating a man who is keeping you the closet is almost as bad as dating a man who is in the closet himself. It is reasonable if you're not invited to his family's intimate Thanksgiving get-together if you met at a Halloween party, but if you have been dating a month and you still haven't so much as laid eyes on anyone he knows that spells trouble. Men who want a relationship with you have no problem introducing you to their friends. They don't have to introduce you as their future wife, but if you haven't so much as had a drink with the people in his circle you are so far outside of his circle you may as well be in a different solar system. You are just the hot chick he is hoping to get a piece of. Common statements that indicate you aren't worth much more to him than the $12 he spent on a box of condoms include any variation of "Oh my friends are a bunch of jerks, I don't want you meeting them, you're too good for them!" , "It isn't the right time baby, we are having so much fun alone!", or "I don't want you to meet them until I know this is the real thing". The last statement might fly when speaking of meeting his parents, but not his drinking buddies.

He doesn't skip the steps: Relationships unfold at a reasonable pace. People fall in lust overnight but they don't fall in love that way and watching The Notebook fifty-seven times isn't going to ever change that. A sign of caution is if he tells you he is in love with you before he knows your middle name. Similarly, if he has "never met anyone like you", "thinks about you every second of the day", or "feels a connection with you unlike anyone he's ever met" and doesn't know what your favorite band is, where you went to college, and hasn't seen you without make-up he is playing you like celebrity poker. Those things are flattering and wonderful to hear of course, but to have that kind of connection takes time. Talk is cheap and certain men have learned that all it takes is a few recycled lines from a few cheesy movies to get a woman into bed. If he says "you complete me" , what he means is, "I will say anything right now to get you into bed." Remember, love is bringing you chicken soup when you have the flu or surprising you with tickets to see your favorite band, not a dinner at a fast food joint spent grooming you with promises of adoration with the expectation of sex. You are smarter than that.

Now that you know the signs and clues to decipher whether a man is yours for the night or yours for life, go out there with your fabulous self and go get him!