Is Honesty Always the Best Policy in Romance?

Having a perfect romantic partner and soul mate, with whom you can always share everything, and who will accept you no matter what is a wonderful dream. And, except for the "perfect" and "always" part, it's possible. However, it probably isn't probable. If you find yourself in a loving relationship with a mere mortal, you may want to rethink exactly what you share.

There are two things that you have to consider, which many people take for granted. One, most people simply can't handle complete honesty and two, you are under no obligation to be secretless.

Let's hit that "secretless" thing first.

Chances are, you and your new love are going to have that numbers conversation. For some reason, guys tend to want to know how many sexual partners their girl has had previously. Whether you should tell him (or her) the sordid details of your past is totally up to you and your comfort level. If you don't feel you known your partner long enough to have that conversation, then don't have it. Be polite, but firm when you tell him or her that is off limits right now. When - or even if - you tell is completely up to you. If your partner's insecurities cause them to be hurt about it, then by all means soothe their fears. But stick to your decision.

You may choose to hold out with that information until you determine whether your partner is asking out of insecurity or out of honest curiosity. If you feel that sharing this information will bring you closer, and you want to do it, then there is nothing wrong with divulging. Many couples are able to handle this information about each other without freaking out. However, if it will not help the relationship, and in fact possibly hurt it, then it is better not to tell.

Do you have to divulge every single sexual fantasy you've ever had? Not if you don't want to. And if you slip up in a monogamous relationship and kiss someone else, you are under no moral obligation to tell your partner, unless you have made an agreement to do so. For instance, if you have an open or semi-open relationship and it is easier for your partner to deal with insecurities and work things out if he or she knows about your experiences, then you should tell. However, if it won't help things, keep it to yourself.

Each relationship is different, as is each individual. Before you get into a relationship negotiation with a new partner, know what you are willing to divulge about yourself and what you would prefer not to discuss. In short, know your boundaries and stick to them. If the other person tries to manipulate you out of your boundaries (by showing anger, threatening to leave, crying, etc.) then they are being a bully. Once you are in negotiations, then you should discuss the matter of honesty and make up your own mind about what the relationship can handle.