Is LeBron James Capable of Machiavellian Treachery?

Much has been made of the group of Chinese businessmen who are buying a small piece of the Cleveland Cavaliers. Some bloggers are even speculating that the increased exposure on the global market will make LeBron James seriously reconsider leaving Cleveland when his contract expires after next season.

That strange rustling sound you hear is the entire population of Cleveland grasping at straws.

Make no mistake: the only cities that can boost LBJ's marketability beyond its current (already immense) status are New York, Los Angeles, and Chicago. The latter two lack National Basketball Association [NBA] franchises that can offer King James his royal ransom, while the New Jersey Nets' chances are frequently overstated. The Nets have an unexciting roster built in a way that wouldn't mesh well with James' abilities, and their long-rumored move to Brooklyn has been fraught with delays related to stadium construction. Besides, the link between James and Nets' co-owner Jay-Z is not as big a factor as many assume. Jay-Z only owns a tiny percentage of the franchise; saying that Jay-Z owns the Nets is like saying that I own Home Depot because I bought 50 shares on eTrade.

That leaves the New York Knicks, and you're only kidding yourself if you don't think this is going to be LeBron's eventual destination. The Knicks have the most player-friendly coach in all of sports, a savvy general manager, and an owner who's proven completely unafraid to overpay for any asset presented to him. I mean, James Dolan once agreed to pay $30 million for the rights to Jared Jeffries. Take a look at Jeffries' extensive list of injuries during his NBA career. Bill Murray logged more court time in Space Jam than the wispy small forward could boast. GM Donnie Walsh will probably have to talk Dolan out of granting LeBron partial ownership of the team.

The bottom line is this: Nike and James' other corporate sponsors want him in New York. NBA commissioner David Stern wants him in New York. And LeBron himself wants to be in New York. He loves the Big Apple - the importance, the swagger, the spectacle, the Yankees.

I'm not from Cleveland, but I've found myself repulsed by James' open flirtation with jumping franchises before his current contract expires. However, there is one set of circumstances that would result in LeBron becoming my favorite player ever. What if this is actually a ploy on James' part, and he intends to re-sign with the Cavs? Imagine this scenario: at the beginning of the 2010 free agency period, Cleveland signs Chris Bosh (the talented big man who currently plays for the Toronto Raptors) to a contract just under the league maximum. The other teams, seeing that Cleveland has given up on bringing James back, go into a frenzy. Everyone with even the slightest glimmer of hope of signing the greatest player in the NBA frantically tries to clear room under the salary cap. They renounce players with team options left and right, and they begin thrusting draft picks at non-contenders to bribe them into taking back hefty contracts.

Weeks pass, and the market is at an utter standstill waiting for King James to make a decision. Cleveland quietly signs a couple of solid veterans for their rotation with their midlevel exception. Finally, James calls a press conference at his home. He's wearing a New York Yankees cap and a giant, childlike grin. The reporters begin typing furiously to try to break the story that LeBron has joined a new team. James leans into the microphone and booms his deep baritone voice through the foyer: "I'm happy to announce that I'm coming back to the Cleveland Cavaliers!" The press corps looks up in bewildered confusion. LeBron continues, unperturbed, "And I'll be re-signing for the minimum amount of money that I can as a veteran."

The reporters are split into two groups now. The quick-witted ones are already revising the stories they were going to file, while the rest are simply staring at the podium in awe and confusion. LeBron carries on with an explanation: "I'll be making up the salary difference with the help of my new advertising contracts with Sony, Wal-Mart, General Mills, and McDonald's. I plan on being in more commercials than Michael Jordan and Peyton Manning combined."

"I'd like to thank all of the other franchises who sabotaged their own rosters over the past two years to create enough salary cap room to sign me. Special thanks go out to the Knicks, who dumped their two best players in David Lee and Nate Robinson in the summer of 2009. Right before we fax my contract to the commissioner's office, there's one other announcement I'd like to make on behalf of the Cleveland Cavaliers."

Suddenly the old guitar riff from World Championship Wrestling's "New World Order" clique begins playing. The recently signed Chris Bosh begins strutting down the aisle, and right behind him... Good God! That's Dwyane Wade! When they reach the podium, Wade grabs the microphone from LeBron and yells, "Cut my music! The contract I hold in my hands is for the veterans' exception. Hollywood Bron-Bron, Big Sexy Chris Bosh, and the 'Bad Guy' D-Wade... we're taking over this league!"

"Too SWEET!!!" Bosh replies from the background, nonsensically.

LeBron is slowly and dramatically removing his Yankees cap while he accepts the microphone from Wade. "The goal isn't a single title, gentlemen. The goal is a dynasty. The goal is to shatter the record for the best season in NBA history. And to everyone else in the league, you're either with us, or... well..." LeBron lights the Yankees cap on fire and places it on the podium. He and Wade walk away in silence.

"Okay, time for all you reporters to get out of here!" Bosh proclaims. "We've got 84 of Maxim's Top 100 women coming over for a party, and we brought our own cameras."