Is it Love or is it Limerence?

Your eyes meet from across the room. You feel like it is love at first sight. Or maybe you've known each other for a long time, and suddenly, it seems like you have a deeper connection. However it happens, when it does, it's amazing.

And so the period of limerence starts. Limerence (which scientists today now refer to NRE, or New Relationship Energy) is a term created by Dr. Dorothy Tennov to describe the feeling of extreme infatuation that some people experience when they find themselves indescribably infatuated with someone. They think about them constantly; they get great pleasure by just thinking about the object of their affection; they want to do whatever they can to please that person. Someone "in limerence" may seem to become a different person due to their obsession, because their life almost begins to revolve around it.

Limrence is a little different that infatuation in that it is a little more complex than a crush. For it to exist there must be an uncertainty about the way the object of affection feels. For instance, a boy may simply say "hello" to a girl who is limerent, and that gives her an inkling of hope that he is interested in her, fueling her limerence. But it is not enough for her to believe that he is really, truly interested in her.

If the object of someone's limerence never returns the affection, it can be difficult for the person experiencing it to let go. The feelings of euphoria at the thought of them fade into sadness. It can be difficult to get over these feelings, but they will fade with time. It is likely that someone experiencing their limerence fading will find a new object to project it upon so they won't have to deal with these feelings of despair for long, but, of course, this can be very dangerous for their mental well-being.

If the object of their limerence returns their affection, however, and a relationship is established, they may be even more elated. This is when the test of whether or not it can last begins.

Once the limerent one gets to know their new "love", they may find things about them that are not so desirable, and their feelings may fade, making them want to get out of the relationship. They may long to feel as they did in the beginning, and realize they need to find someone new to accomplish this. Or, in a period of around 6-18 months, when their feelings start to fade, true love may set in, and they will grow attached to their partner, gradually return to their old, "real" self again, and decide for sure that they have found their "soul mate". Then, and only then, can it be considered "true" love.

So the next time you feel extremely powerful feelings for someone, and you really believe that they are "the one", don't be so sure. You may have to go on a petty long trial run with them before you can know for certain that you've found your life-long mate.