Is it Okay for a Married Man to Look at Pornography?
Married Men Shouldn't Look at Porno Websites Behind Their Wives' Backs
It's no secret that there are lots of men in this world - and definitely in this country - who regularly look at pornographic material. It's also no secret that the reason that most men look at porn is for one reason and one reason only: to get off. Men (and some women - don't get me wrong) like visual stimuli - and a bunch of naked and drunken sorority girls is a major stimulus to the majority of the male gender. For some men, porno was something that they enjoyed during their adolescence - before they were actually "getting some" in a real and tangible way with a real and tangible member of the opposite sex. However, for many men, looking at pornography can become like an addiction, and with the internet's abundance of porno websites to choose from, it can be very hard for these men to look away. Porn is so easily accessible that more and more men find themselves compelled to visit porno websites to the point that it turns into an obsession.
My friend isn't a prude to say the least. She even admitted to me that she and her husband watched porn together every once in a while, although she never realized that her husband was also getting porn fixes on the internet - on his own. The issue wasn't that my friend had a moral opposition to pornographic materials. It was more that she found it so disturbing that her husband had a dirty little secret. She wondered, if he is doing this behind my back, should I be worried that he is doing other - worse - things behind my back as well? Also, she felt hurt that her husband was searching for sexual gratification through avenues outside of their union. My friend is only thirty-six - and she's in great shape for her age - but she was worried that it was because her husband was no longer attracted to her that he felt the need to gawk at the "barely legal" blonde bimbos on these websites.
While I wished I could have given my friend a cut-and-dry "I wouldn't worry about it" answer, my gut told me that she should go to the source - she needed to talk to her husband if she wanted to get any real answers about his motivations. She was worried that he would feel that his privacy was invaded and he would just get defensive, but I reminded her that she was in fact not hunting for suspicious material - she was looking for a site she had visited, and the porn sites were logged in the internet history as well, clear as day. It wasn't as if she had seen just one porno site, after all; there were dozens. Her husband was regularly checking out these sites, and she had a right to know why.
A few days later, once she got up the nerve, my friend confronted her husband. As she anticipated, he went beet-red at the mention of it, and he was flabbergasted and unsure of what to say. His explanation to her was that their sex life hadn't been what it used to be for some time, and he was feeling frustrated. He said he used to look at porno magazines when he was a teenager, and for a while, he didn't even contemplate looking at porn as an adult. However, he said, when he realized how accessible it was online, he started visiting porno websites every couple of weeks. He said that although he looked at porn, he had never been unfaithful. However, my friend wasn't sure that was true. If he didn't think he was doing something wrong, then why would he keep it a secret? Well, turns out that he'd racked up nearly a thousand dollars in fees from these illicit sites. He said he'd been trying to pay down the debt without his wife noticing, and he actually expected her to be sympathetic to the fact that he'd been carrying such a heavy burden of guilt around for so long.
And so I will surmise that it is not okay for married men to look at pornography if they are doing so in secrecy. My friend and her husband are now in counseling - and the catalyst for their counseling was this issue. While some men feel that it's okay to "look but not touch," my humble opinion is that it's not.
Published by M. Hughes
Marie enjoys writing on a broad range of topics. View profile
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90 Comments
Post a CommentFeeling Neglected,I have been married for 11 years now and I only started knowing ponography through my husband coz when he married me I was still a virgin and did not know much about sex.After seeing these videos I told my husband that its evil watching these things and he agreed that he is not going to watch them again as he just wanted us to learn tricks of satisfying each other in bed.Last year I found out that he was watching ponography when I was sleeping,he told me that he wanted to stay in the sitting room to warch soccer but when I woke up mid night I found him warching DVDs of porn,besides telling him that it hurts me,he continued warching these things,at times I find him with sperms on his panties after warching these videos and maybe sleeping on the sofa while the videos are still playing, and I will be alone in the bedroom.During the same period I found out that he was going out with two women behind my back,he is 36 and the other woman was 46.I was so angry and I wanted to leave him but he confessed and promised not to do it again.Ponography and cheaters cannot be separated no matter how they try to justify their actions.My husband is one hurting man when we talk of cheating,he even wants to sleep with the maids and even my sisters,after drinking and watching porn,during my absence he can #$%$ who ever has a #$%$ to satisfy his thing.When we go shopping I come back home angry when I will be doing the shopping alone and he will be busy looking at good looking women,if I ask him something I dont get an answer thats when I will realise that there is a good looking lady around us.If you see him you can never think he is a person who can do such a thing.Since we got married I have caught him on 3 ocassions when he was cheating me with othe women and during these periods its when he likes to watch ponograghy a lot.I dont know what to do,we have 3 kids together and when it comes to looking after his family,he is excellent and he gives me his whole salary,only for me to give him back when he wantsmoney for something.Should I die for this money coz one day he is going to bring HIV,although we use condoms at times they break even if he wears two at a time,his thing is too big.Pliz help
http://www.pornvybe.com/
Natural my foot. there is nothing the least bit natural about having sex with a computer full of paid-for surgically alterered and graphically altered people you have never laid eyes on pretending to enjoy things that they obviously don't.
Sorry, available in abundance, perhaps. Natural - nope not in the least.
The guy is right though that it has nothing at all to do with his spouse. Talk about making someone insecure. Just keep running off in secret and looking at those surgically, graphically enhanced images doing things through camera tricks or payment that nobody does....
For anyone who has dealt with this as I have, please read with your husbands before divorcing Psalms 23 the whole chapter for 30 days. My husband and i are doing better than ever. I talked to him and explained my hurt towards him but I forgave him simply b/c God forgave my sins so I should be able to forgive my husband!! God Bless you all in your works!
Thank you for sharing this story i think it has given me a place to start.
My husband and I have been married for almost 1 year. We've been together for 8. When we were younger we would watch porn together. I wasn't firm into my Christianity. However, I have been saved and born again. When we got married this past year things were great (so I thought), but just the other night he was caught in our bedroom on the floor with his laptop under the bed watching nasty porn. I asked him what he was doing and he said, "trying to find you a wedding anniversary gift" I believed him kind of. I found his computer the next day looked at his history, and bam. I seen enough. I confronted him when he came home and he told me he thinks he might have a problem. I cried like never before and told him it was over. I wanted a divorce. To me as I explained to him, looking at porn and getting off to it is cheating. We took our vows and our pastor stated that you are not allowed to lust over another man/woman as the bible says it's adultery. I began to tell him
Porn is perfectly normal if the people being shown are doing it with free will. Nature by itself is sexual (and thats how the world reproduces) so denying it is both unnatural and subpressive. Men look at porn because women are either no sexual functioning properly or hav been brought up wrong. Its about time women realised that sex i both natural and expected from men.
WHEN TOU ARE MARRIED AND YOU HUSBAND IS SNEAKING BEHIND YOUR BACK AND WATCHING PORN,(I MEAN SICK STUFF)THAT'S ADULTURY ACCORDING TO THE BIBLE. IF YOU WATCH PORN IT SHOULD BE WITH YOUR SPOUDE OR IT IS CONSIDRERD A FORM OF CHEATING,AT THAT POINT THE TRUSY, LOYALTY,HONESTY WAS GONE FROM THE MARRIAGE. HE HAD THE NERVE TO DENY THAT HE LOOKED AT 300+ PICS ON THE FANILY CONPUTER WHEN I WAS OUT OF TOWN FOR THW BIRTH OF MY GRANDSON. NO TRUST NO MARRIAGE AND THATS A FACT,SO I DIVORCED HIS ASS 2 YEARS LATER, I IMMEDIATELY MOVED OUT OF STATE.HE THOUGHT HE COULD PUT THE TRUST BACK, HOW CAN YOU. HIS COUSELOR TOLD HIM TO SEE ASEX THERAPIST BUT HE DIDN'T THINK HE HAD A PROBLEM. I WOULD FIND TEEN PORN TAPES AT THE FIREHOUSE IN CHICAGO. HE SAID THATS WHAT THEY DO AT CHICAGO FIRE DEPARTMENT IS SIT AROUND AND WATCH PORN, I FIUND OUT HE WAS TRYING TO SELL PORN AT HIS FIREHOUSE ON 76 PULASKI IN CHICAGO.I USE TO FIND PORN HIDDEN IN HIS FIREMEN BOOTS,LOCKER AT HIS JOB,IN MY PORTABLE DVD PLAYER CASE,H
As a woman who truly believes in standing by her vows, I completely agree with this article. Watching porn together to set the mood is ok for me. But watching it behind my back or receiving and sending naughty text messages is not. It makes me feel like I am not enough for him and if he could look at these things behind my back then he can also be capable of cheating on me too.
I read the article and was disappointed that women don't understand men better than this. Men are sexual ... always. We think about sex a lot. Letting things back up cause us stress and as you get older, if your spouse is not interested very often, you do need to clean the pipes. It's not to demoralize women and it not to dis-value your spouse. It is simple to release the flow and I enjoy being stimulated visually to do so. I also view it as a private matter. For a man, ego wise, you don't share this with you wife. It's not about her, it's about you. Why do you think a man needs counselling when all he needs is to blow his load, no different for him then taking a piss. Please.