Is an "Online" Relationship Cheating?

Your spouse has been spending a lot of time on the computer and you are feeling neglected. You've asked for more attention but get rebuffed each time. You don't want to pry into their online activity but you just can't help yourself. The search reveals that honey has other "honeys" online. You are confused, hurt and angry and confront them with what you have found. You are told that it's nothing - they have never met or even spoken on the phone. So, have you been cheated on? How serious is this?

It's understandable that you are confused. This is a relatively new type of relationship and you may not know anyone else who has experienced this that you can talk to. The answer reside in you and what you expect from you significant other. But taking a look at what is actually happening may help you to decide.

Time together has been less and less. The online person is being chosen over you despite your expressed desire to spend more time together.

The relationship was kept a secret. That's almost always implies that there is an awareness that they are doing something you would disapprove of and probably they know they should not be doing.

It's been going on for a long period of time. There is real involvement both in time and emotion being expended on this person.

Whether you are married, living together, or planning a future together you have a third party involved in your life who means enough to your mate for them to give them time, energy, emotion and secrecy.

So, does that mean your relationship is over? Not necessarily. But it does mean some real conversation needs to occur between the two of you to find out what that person means to your mate, why it occurred, and how they want to proceed with you. Don't let anyone tell you it's nothing. It means there is something missing in your relationship that needs attention.

What if sexually oriented pictures have been exchanged? Phone cameras make this so easy today. This is a real indication that there is more serious involvement here.

And is it cheating if the online friend is the same sex as your lover? You still have a third party who is making claim on your mate's time and emotion. Homosexual relationships are very real relationships. This issue causes most confusion with older couples who don't really understand the validity of a gay relationship.

A third party in your relationship is an interloper. Some couples will accept it and some won't. This is for you to decide.