Is Our Education Relevant?

Is everything we learn at school useful in the real world? Are the lessons we learn truly applicable in the jobs of today? Are there really ghosts in the old abandoned janitor's office? Perhaps in the end, it's who you know. Follow along with me on this experiment as I find out.

This curiosity came about when I learned about this middle-schooler who made more than her parents and teachers by designing stationery in the back of the classroom, and selling her products to retailers. Many people apparently like her theme of flowers and other colorful spring sketches decorating their stationery, because when her teachers see her scribbling in her notebook, they know she's running her enterprise. Talk about being Smarter Than a Fifth Grader. I could never have convinced my own math teacher I was drawing her head on Spiderman's body purely for business purposes.

What really frosted my shorts was finding out that Bill Gates, the founder of one of the largest and most widely recognized software companies in the world, whose products are found in almost all the desktop computers and laptops on the planet, clearly a success story, dropped out of college and never graduated. This move made him incredibly wealthy. True, he probably had to work very hard for it, and is undoubtedly still very busy to to his day. But he probably can take plenty of time to stop and smell the flowers every now and then. Except, I suspect, that he probably pays someone to do the smelling for him. And, I also suspect, that person is a college graduate.

So this got me wondering about how important it is to stay in school, when obviously taking another path has worked. We are taught to believe one is better off with more education, years and years of it in fact, because this prepares us for the real world. Perhaps this is true, prehaps not. Armed with everything I learned from the educational system, I decided to venture far and wide (by means of my telephone--hey, it's cordless) and go on this voyage of discovery.

My first inquiry was to a local bookstore:

Me: Hello? I'm interested in the clerk position you listed in the newspaper?
Manager: Yes. We need someone knowledgable and with retail experience.
Me: I made the best paper chains in my class!
Manager: What?! How old are you? Listen, I could really use a multi-tasker.
Me: W-e-e-e-ell...they're multi-colored paper chains. (click) Hello?...Hello?

Looking back, maybe I shouldn't have revealed that aspect of my skill-set right away. But you have to pace yourself for this extended research. It's kind of an art. As Tiger Woods used to say, "You gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em". Or maybe that was Kenny Rogers, I keep getting those two confused. At any rate, I consider it a warm-up, and proceed to the next listing.

Me: Good morning! I'm inquring about the assistant store manager opening...
Manager: We need someone with prior hardware, CSR, A/R, A/P, CRM, and 70 WPM.
Me: Um...
Manager: Speak up, please.
Me: I can... grow beans in a cupful of wet tissues?
Manager: Wow. Really? Geez...Could you maybe call back when you're no longer nuts?
Me: Will Do. Maybe after my nap time. I'm good at that, too.

I was definitely making progress: they wanted me to call back! But this was no time for beauty sleep, I had to forge on. My confidence factor was beginning to climb. Maybe this time I'll be taking out the big guns on my next call.

Me: Hi there! I understand you're hiring photographers.
HR: Why, yes! Are you good with children, possibly even dogs?
Me: My wife tells me I'm like a child sometimes.
HR: That's a good sign.
Me: You think that's good? I can count all the beads on a giant abacus! All the way to 100!
HR: Excuse me?

I think I over-reached on that one. But that only means I'm getting bolder, and a step closer to my goal. I should be getting into a groove here. Over-reaching means also I can set my sights higher, right? Maybe if I just stand with a straight posture and keep my desk area clean, I can get in anywhere. I take a deep breath, close my eyes, and pick a classified ad at random. I dial their Human Resources Manager's number.

Me: Good Day To You! Do you happen to be hiring website programmers?
HRM: Yes, are you familiar with any languages?
Me: Uh, I did learn Spanish --a little from Sesame Street...
HRM:No, no! I meant technical stuff. We're doing primarily PHP, CGI, PERL, some scripting, back-end SQL, XML-parse, J2EE, and trigger editing. Do you know any scripting at least? Or Linux migration? Any coding? I need those, too.
Me: Migration? I know enough not to use a PlayStation without the cheat-books.
HRM: Sorry, but you don't sound sufficiently well-informed.
Me: I happen to know the capital of Indonesia! Do you know what that is?
HRM: Well, no, but...
Me: AND the capital of Thailand! And Iowa! And, and...French Revolution! And Underground Railroad!
HRM: Is this a practical joke?
Me: Not by the hair of your chinny-chin-chin! I'm just getting started! Where is, ah, Socratic Method? Who is Louisiana Purchase? What is the capital of...of...Quadratic Equation?!
HRM: Hang up or I'm calling the police!
Me: No thanks, they're not hiring me, either. I called earlier today. But thanks, anyway.

I was definitely building up some steam back there. I was polite (eventually), and raised my hand each time it was my turn to speak (because manners matter, even on the telephone). At one point, I even indicated that I needed permission to use the bathroom. I'm sure they appreciated that. There was, however, a call regarding a sales job where I was in fact offered to show up and meet the department head. But I think they only wanted to meet my close personal friend. Pythagorean Theorem.