Is This Your Penis?

The biggest story in the history of American politics hit this week when a 21 year-old female college student in Seattle received a lewd photo from the Twitter account of Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-NY).

The photo is of, to avoid using a weiner pun, his cockal area. Weiner says he didn't send it, blaming hackers. But, in an interview with NBC's Luke Russert, Weiner said that he can't say "with certitude" that the photo isn't of his own, um, schnitzel stadt.

Sure the photo was of a lower region in undies but still. C'mon! Who doesn't know their own wang-region? Unless one was born horrifically overweight and has never actually seen one's own dong, one should readily recognize one's little soldier. (Imagine Queen Elizabeth saying that sentence.)

As a teenager, every young man has a close, personal relationship with his knob. Hours are spent with it, just you, your member, and the underwear catalogue of your choice. Your Allen wrench is your bestest friend. It knows all your secrets. It definitely knows who you like.

And it's powerful. Until the age of 43, most men's thoughts and actions are controlled by their little fella (after 43, they are controlled by the NFL).

So, Rep. Weiner, you are serving us a warm chafing dish full of bullshit. You know whether it's your junk or not. Let us in on the secret.

And Luke Russert is lovely and all, but can you imagine how much fun this interview would be if his dad was doing it? "Is this your penis, Congressman? Yes or no? It's a simple question. The American people want to know. Is your penis running for president?"