Is Your Relationship Headed South?

Ever been in a relationship that was just going nowhere? If you're still in one or you're trying to avoid going there again here are a few tips to hopefully lead you in the right direction. First of all, what are the warning signs? One clear signal is being in a relationship and not really feeling as though you're in one. We all get bored from time to time with our mates or with ourselves. The excitement will come and go. This is normal, but if you hit a slump or if the two of you have been in one from the beginning you're justified in wondering where the relationship is headed and if you want to remain with him or her. Not all relationships end with a bang. Some just taper off gradually. So, how do you know if you're engaged in a long good-bye? Well, chemistry is a sure thing. You'd think if two people weren't feeling each other they'd never get together to begin with, but this isn't always the case. Looking around one wonders how certain people got together at all. If you'd rather sleep next to the dog than him there's a clue. If you really don't care if he comes to bed at all where's the physical attraction? Does seeing him or her naked compare to walking in on your sibling or best friend? Maybe it hasn't always been this way, but if it gets to be this way your relationship is in trouble. If you can take him or leave him leave him. This goes for men too. If you wouldn't miss her, but you would miss having a companion
you're better off alone trying to make new social contacts. Chemistry is tops as far as sexual satisfaction goes.

If chemistry isn't present you'll know and probably have sensed such for quite sometime. The funny thing about it is you can have chemistry and still not have the best sex. Really? I've had it happen. The sight of each other may drive you both crazy and your kisses explode before you can make it home each night, but the actual getting down to it may be lacking. There's an explanation for this phenomenon. The problem could be sexual incompatibility. Sexual attraction and sexual compatibility aren't the same in the long run. When sexual compatibility and chemistry don't match up it's possible sexual experience is the culprit. Not only may one of you have more sexual experience your styles may differ considerably. Also, sometimes two virgins may not be able to fit the puzzle pieces together though in most cases it's not too difficult to figure out. So, what can you do? If you both feel chemistry is not an issue while sexual compatibility is likely another story indeed you might decide to see a sexual therapist/marriage counselor/relationship coach or you can start mending your differences by talking openly about your sexual desires and wishes.

Do you have anything to talk about? As you get older conversation means more and less. This may come across as an oxymoron, but there's a lot of truth to the statement. As time goes by intense conversations may not be as frequent, but this can be explained by fatigue brought on by increased responsibilities such as childcare and work. If the physical attraction is still alive, you do manage to have conversations of a meaningful nature and you generally enjoy just being together you're probably doing fine. Yet, if you've never had much to talk about and one or both of you hunger for a deeper psychological connection with a member of the opposite sex watch out. You may not be psychologically compatible. Sexual incompatibility is easier to work out than psychological incompatibility and the pair most often go together.

Aside from chemistry, sexual compatibility and psychological compatibility there's something else you will want to take a look at right away. The most important issue of all is respect. If your boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse doesn't respect you then you have a fundamental crisis on your hands. This perdicament needs to be dealt with as soon as possible. In one way or another abusive relationships can lead to death. If he or she slaps you once in a heated arguement this may be an isolated incident, but it's hard to really be sure. If the first attack is mild such as a slap to the face or a shove you may choose to proceed with a warning. Make it clear that you will not put up with the abuse and don't wait until the next day to say something in your own defense.You may even choose to leave for a day or two as to send the message the abuse is not going to be tolerated. If the first attack causes bleeding, broken bones or bruising get out right away and stay gone. Or if your partner continues to slap or shove you say good-bye. People are only human and mistakes happen, but if it continues reguardless of how harmless it may seem at first or if the abuse is severe these are not just one time events. Your partner has serious anger issues. What should you do if you have chemistry and good sex with a man or woman who abuses you? What if you love him or her? Hey, it does happen. The person is not always angry and when they're calm they're charming, sexy and loving. What you have to do for your own safety and the safety of your children is get away from the abuser. Once you've done this you can make it clear they must get help and getting help doesn't mean a few counselling sessions. We're talking a six month program with at the very least weekly sessions. The two of you might benefit the most from including family theraphy. You also may want to see someone yourself who is an expert on treating victims of physical/or sexual abuse. If your spouse is a drug addict or alcoholic you will likely benefit from support groups such as alanon. Your goal should be to learn how to be sure you're not enabling your partner by telling him or her it's o.k. to behave like a fool. It's easy to send the wrong message by not even realizing what you're doing. If your husband beats you up tonight and you get in bed next to him or make him a big breakfast in the morning he may think you are over it. The truth is you can never truly get over abuse until it stops.

Your spouse should respect you body, mind and spirit. If your partner is cheating you may be exposed to sexually transmitted diseases without even realizing you're at risk. Even worse than having an affair is lying about it. Slipping up once may not be a cause for terminating the relationship, but lying about it or continuing to step out are both reasons to call it quits.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words hurt also. We all get our feelings hurt and often our response is to pop off with our own smart remarks, but if you're constantly arguing you may be abusing each other. Consider your use of adjectives. If you're just bickering about bills that's one thing, but bickering can quickly turn into abuse. Does your spouse get in your face and yell? Does your partner cuss at you or do you cuss at him/her? If either one of you is being verbally explosive then you have a lot to work on. It is possible to argue without being verbally abusive. Name calling and cursing should be off limits. Blame should be avoided, but sometimes blame may apply. If your spouse forgot to pick the milk up from the store ease up on the blame. He or she was probably in a hurry to pick the kids up from daycare or in a hurry to get home to you after a long days work. Let's say your spouse did something really bad such as blatently hitting on your sister. if you know for a fact he did this awful thing he deserves a lecture on fidelity, but be as civil as possible and don't keep bringing it up. However, pursuading him to talk about the bad thing he did will shed more light on the situation than a long lecture and your relationship will be helped a whole lot more by a mature conversation made for two. Just be sure he really hit on your sister. Giving her a compliment depending upon what he said to her and how he said it should be taken into consideration. Did your boyfriend accidentally let the dog out on his way to run an errand for you? At least he was running out to take care of your needs rather than running out to chase some other woman. Think about that before you chew him out. In love or in any relationship it's important to word your sentences carefully. Your lover or friend doesn't have to stay with you. There are a lot of fish in the sea.

Be sure you recognize the quality of your relationship, because your quality of life will be greatly impacted. If you're in an abusive relationship protect yourself by leaving now and asking questions later. If your relationship isn't abusive rather just a little dull either work the issues out with your partner or move on. The beauty of being in a relationship is in knowing you have the right to stay or go.