Is Spanking Bad for Children?
Is Spanking Bad for Parents?
I have a degree in Psychology plus far more than enough credits for a Master's Degree. I know Rogers, Maslow, Freud, Piaget, Eriksson, et. al like I know the tile pattern on my ceiling. I've read just about everything there is to read about parenting and kids. However nothing prepared me for parenting like having kids. Parenting children is an eternal baptism by fire. I've been a teacher for two decades also. I feel like Ms. Hannegan from 'Annie' (paraphrase mine) 'Little kids! Little kids! Everywhere I see 'em! Little kids!"
So about spanking? Here's what I have distilled (notice the metaphor for grain alcohol?) from research, lecture and life squared ( I am sharing my own dirty laundry here, so be kind and work with me!)
Spanking a child hurts the parent more than the child. This is not figurative language. It's true. Spanking, especially on nice cushiony Huggies, can cause Carpal Tunnel Syndrome if you have to give more than a two smacks daily.
Spanking does not hurt most kids' rumps. I'm sorry but there it is. Our oldest daughter who is the poster child for 'rebellious, incorrigible, stubborn, pointy-headed, you-name-it-anything-but -biddable', declares that she has developed callouses on her rear end.
Spanking administered by a parent who is weaker than the child just comes off as silly. Since our boys have essentially been stronger than me fromt thirty-six months of age, give or take, spanking just got ludicrous. And they've been taller than me since they were 9ish. This does not engender a healthy balance for spanking. I've been in fear of late that they might decide to spank me.
Enraged parents do not make good spankers. I am not noted for my patience. I will never win the 'Mrs. Docility' award. Whenever I have sallied forth to 'whip 'em into shape' or 'blister the behind' it never ends well for me. I find myself thinking of all the annoyances I've suffered at their little hands and the spanking moves from discipline to retribution.
Speaking of retribution, spanking isn't fair (compensation, that is.) If you are looking to settle a score by spanking your recalcitrant child, forget it. No amount of whacks will make up for what the little blighter did to you. Each successive generation of children never fail to come up with newer and more devilish ways to torment their parents. When our older three boys were 12 and 14 they had a sleepover. Dad and I fell into the sleep of the dead (or damned) as exhausted parents do. And this was long before the 'sleepover crowd' was asleep. One kid was dared (by one of my own spawn) to 'sneak up to my parents' room and climb in next to my mom'. I awoke and shrieked like to wake the dead at the sight of a terrified kid huddled under my bed skirt. Trust me, take your medicine and let it happen. Nothing will pay them back except the fond wish all parents cherish that they turn out worse kids than they themselves were.
Our 16 year old just sauntered in. Asking me what I was writing about, he was told 'spanking'. He asked what my opinion was. I told him that I was generally opposed on the grounds of principle and specifically opposed on the grounds of experience. "Damn' said he. 'I wish that you had decided that before I was past the spanking age'. Amen.
Published by Marilisa Kinney Sachteleben
Happy wife. Mom of 4. 10+ year homeschool vet. Certified K-8/special ed. Yahoo! News Beat Writer: Parenting, Michigan, Detroit. Published on Helium, SEED, AT&T, Diabetes Active, Mapquest, Best Contractors, H... View profile
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7 Comments
Post a CommentYou can 'spank with love' as much as you like ... but you are still hitting a child and not TEACHING it a thing except that YOU are bigger and stronger and lie. Oh ... lie?? Yes, you did tell them that hitting is wrong didn't you ?? And that if you are bigger - you can get away with hitting a smaller person. And that you have nothing left in your repertoire.
And telling your child you 'love it' after you have just hit it ... tells a lot of us NOTHING! Just another parental lie!
Spank a child angry - and you could well do a lot of damage. Spank a child 'cold' and ... what on earth are you thinking of !!!! Why not TEACH the child rather than hitting it ... which is what discipline means - to teach! If you 'need' to 'pop' that child to get it's attention you should have it's hearing checked or try getting down to it's level and talking to it !!
Never spank a child when your mad. Wait afew minutes, guage your strength as not to physicaly Bruise child. Spanked my 7yo daughter for the first time last month. We tried everything else but her destructive behavior remained. About 20 whacks from dad and she got off my lap and hugged me. No probs since. Wife wont do it but if previous behaviors seem to be returning she just has to say, I'm callng your father to come home right now. You don't have to regularly spank for all bad behaviors, just the worst behaviors if nothing else works. Do it with love, not hate. I cried after I did it but it worked and had to be done.
I am a parent of 2. Girl 5 and Boy 3. I always said I would never spank my children...before I had them....my kids are spoiled to the max ( with LOVE). But I do pop my children on the bottom and occasionally on the hand...just to get their attention.....I am not a lazy parent.....I work hard at building value in my relationship with them....this is very important to me....I have recently stopped popping my daughter who is 5....her being female and like a little woman...I really don't like the way it makes me feel...so I stopped....she may get a pop on the hand 1 time a month...if its really bad. She is a very good child. My son on the other hand...first of all he is the toughest, roughest, meanest, wildest, sweetest most loving and caring child on earth...he has terrific manners and will melt anyone with his charm and gorgeous blue eyes....but he gets popped several times a day...he is BAD....and I say that with a smile on my face....but he can be terrible.....and I have been known to
Spanking is the lazy parents way to discipline. I've tried it out of last resort, only to learn it does not work, & that my child started hitting other children in school. I decided that i would not spank anymore, i have many more techniques now to disciplin my child with that are much more effective. Once i stopped spanking my child, his behavior improved & i felt horrible for even considering a method of discipline. Every human has the right to protect themselves from harm, & that includes children. We would not spank an adult if they did something we dis approved of, why would we spank our child? It teaches violence is ok, & studies show that it can lead to depression as an adult along w/ a whole bunch of other ill side effects. Mar, you may think you are well educated when it comes to children, but your not. Obviously you did not read about all the studies done on children being spanked, & how horribly it effects there behavior as children & adults. You still have allot of reading
I thought I was beyond the spanking stage since my youngest was 10. But leave it up to my 12 yr old daughter to surpass my limits of exaspiration. I just dropped her and a friend off at the mall. My youngest and I went shopping then went to a cafe to kill time before picking them back up. We no sooner placed our order when I got a phone call. "This is officer so and so at the Westminster mall. I have your daughter".... I don't recall anything else he said. An $8 friendship necklace when she had more than enough to pay for it. Needless to say I was fit to be tied. Looking back, it does seem kinda silly and inappropriate. I'm sure it was as painful for her as it was for me, but she wasn't beaten or horribly traumitized, in fact I think she got the point, after it was all said & done, she knows I love my children dearly and will stand by them no matter what. Including scrubbing bathrooms, cleaning cat kennels and walking dogs with her at the humane society for her community service.
nicely written gagam. she didn't know (but now she does). I wonder where 'mar' gets her literary flair!
On a whole I would agree that spanking is not the ultimate answer. When my daughter (Mar) was 8 years old, I attempted to spank her. She threw up her hand to ward off the expected blow and caught me in the arm. Whooeee! That stung. Way more than she could ever have imagined. The tears that sprung to my eyes went unnoticed (I hope). From that point on I relegated all spanking necessities to her grandfather (a real pushover). That was the last time I 'spanked' her. I learned to apply discipline in various other ways. Discussion along with walking the child through the issue and making them responsible for their actions seems to be infinitely more effective.