Is Your Teenage Daughter at Risk for an Unplanned Pregnancy?

When we think of kids at risk for unwanted pregnancies, we think of trouble makers. We think of teens who give a lot of attitude and tend to rebel. We conjure up images of these kids with twenty earrings in their faces, tattoos, promiscuous clothing, and a complete lack of decent parenting at home. The truth is, though, that this image is entirely inaccurate. Honor roll students with perfect behavior are coming to their parents with news of their pregnancies every day, catching these good people completely off guard and unprepared to handle the consequences. Parents often find themselves so shocked to learn of their teen's behavior because they aren't aware of the real red flags. They don't know what should be telling them that their teens aren't doing what they say they are. They don't even bother talking to their kids about sex because they don't feel it's necessary. Well, if you feel that your child might be at risk, you're probably right. Every teenager is at risk for unwanted pregnancy (and that's not to mention STI's). If you think your child is completely honest with you and is remaining inactive until they are more mature, think again. The following tips might surprise you.

While it sounds harsh to say it, one of the main factors that has always linked each teen pregnancy to another in my experience is simply having over-trusting parents. Even if your little angel has never given you a reason not to trust her, remember that hormones and intense peer pressure have a way of changing a teen. While she might be able to keep up her grades while balancing soccer, the debate team, and drama club, that doesn't mean she can handle the pressure to have sex with equal grace. The focus on losing virginity in middle and high school right now is rampant, and it effects every single student. Sorry, but there's no chance you can compete with it by trust alone. Have a talk with your child and make sure that she knows the importance of protection, even if you are stressing abstinence. I've seen teenagers end up pregnant a few months after pledging their commitment to abstinence in public ceremonies. Just go the safe route and let them know what their protection options are. Never assume they know, and never assume they are willing to remain abstinent. This kind of trust, although noble, is exactly what leads to unplanned pregnancies.

The second red flag that might warn you that your teen girl is being sexually active is the age of her boyfriend and the seriousness of that relationship. Most girls are just satisfied with waiting for "the one" before becoming sexually active. You know, that first guy to come along that "loves" her and just wants to be "close" to her. The problem is, girls get attached to these boys, whether they love them or not. The closeness continues to deepen after that first intimate encounter, and the girl then finds herself needing to continue the "attachment" in order to keep the boy's attention. This is where the risk for unplanned pregnancy increases. Sure, she might not get pregnant that first time (even though many girls do), but that second, third or fourth time in a one month span can affect the rest of her life in the form of an unexpected bundle of joy. The situation is even more likely to turn serious if the boyfriend is more than two years older. The older the boy is, the more likely he is to "need" to have sex. That, or the more experienced in that department he'll be, making him an even better "negotiator" in terms of getting what he wants. I've never seen a teen pregnancy where the father was less than two years older than the mother. That must mean something.

The third and final dead giveaway that your child may be at risk for an unwanted pregnancy is an unmonitored social life. Now, by "unmonitored" we aren't just talking about kids being allowed to stay out until the crack of dawn. We're also talking about kids who are not being checked on during their nights out, not having to verify their whereabouts, and not being required to have some sort of supervision by responsible adults. Know the parents of your teen's friends. Require her to have a cell phone on her at all times (she can keep it on vibrate, but must respond to calls immediately). Get to know her boyfriend well enough to read his thoughts. Ok, I'm not being serious on that one, but you get the idea. No, you don't have to become insanely overprotective. In fact, doing so might increase your teen's risk factors. Just make sure you ask questions and know where you kid is, and don't let her out all night long. It's really just common sense. She might get mad, but you're responsible for taking care of her welfare. It's on you to keep them out of their own way sometimes.

Now, there isn't too much you can do if your child decides to become sexually active after a certain age. You can restrict dating, monitor phone calls, put a detection device on her car....it doesn't matter. If she wants to that badly, she will. What you can do is get over your naivety and make sure you talk to her often about the benefits of abstinence and waiting, the risks involved even with protected sex, and the safety options that are available. That's all you can do. The rest is up to her.