Is Your Teenager in an Abusive Relationship?

The Center for Disease Control (CDC) reports that in a "2007 survey of 15,000 adolescents, 10 % reported physical abuse like being hit or slapped by a romantic partner. Nearly 8 % said they were forced to have sexual intercourse." According to the New York Times, dating abuse victims have higher rates of "binge drinking, suicide attempts, physical fights, and sexual activity."

So as a parent, if you suspect your teenager is in an abusive relationship it is very important to be proactive and talk to your teenager. If the teenager shows signs of abuse such as becoming withdrawn, bruises, injuries, or other unexplained changes seek counseling for the teenager. Don't wait until the abuse escalates, seek help immediately.

Typically violence in relationships does escalate. Once someone has crossed the line into physical violence it may escalate very rapidly into serious injuries or death. Stress to your teenager that if someone displays rage or physical violence the relationship must be ended immediately. Remind teens who are dating often that if someone is verbally or physically abusive to them they must immediately end the relationship.

Also, parents should be vigilant for signs of excessive control in relationships. If a teenager receives constant phone calls, or unexpected visits, or modifies their typical behavior to meet the "rules" of someone they are dating they are probably in an abusive relationship. Parents must step in and assess if the relationship is healthy or if the teenager is dating someone who is trying to control them via excessive contact, demeaning behavior or words, or physical violence.

The New York Times reports that a study by the Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine found that "more than one-third of 920 students were victims of emotional and physical abuse by romantic partners before college." It is a scary statistic that up to 1/3 of all teenagers are being abused in their relationships. However, it is a fact that parents must deal with. There is high risk that if your teenager is dating they may be in an unhealthy relationship.

Perhaps teenagers should not be involved in "relationships" in high school. Are they really ready for the intense emotions falling in love creates? Can they do their best academically when distracted by love? Will they achieve their full potential in high school if they are involved with someone who does not truly respect and cherish them?

Since most abuse occurs in private, perhaps it is best if teenagers date only in "public" places. Perhaps parents should allow dates at the movies, school events, restaurants, and so on but prohibit teens from visiting the home of whomever they are dating or spending private time with them elsewhere too.

Parents need to keep a very close eye on teenagers who are dating. Ensure your teenager is dating someone who is a positive influence on their life. Talk to your teenager about the relationship and step in and demand that the relationship end if you notice any signs of abuse in the relationship.

Signs of Abuse in Relationships

Overly controlling behavior (constant calling, texting, or demanding too much time)

Physical abuse

Verbal abuse

Reports of outbursts of rage during a date

Teenager states their significant other is jealous

Teenager's grades are dropping or teenager is cutting school

Teenager withdraws from friends or family

Teenager's friends call parents with concerns about the person she or he is dating

Teenager has unexplained bruises

Teenager is wearing inappropriate clothing to hide bruises

Teenager changes style of dressing to please person he / she is dating

Teenager appears unhappy but won't say way.

Ask Community for Help

Ask your community to start seminars in the schools about the risks of abuse in teenage relationships. Ask the local police to start a hotline for teenagers to call if they are the victim of violence in a relationship. Be proactive and ensure your teenager gets the information they need to make healthy choices as they start to date and begin relationships.

To obtain more information about abusive teenager relationships go to:

www.LoveisRespect.org,

www.Heathersvoice.net,

www.TheSafeSpace.org,

www.JenniferAnn.org,

www.ConnectforKids.org/node/562.

To contact the Domestic Violence Hotline call toll-free: 1-800-799-7233

Source: www.nytimes.com/2009/01/04/us/04abuse.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&hp