Is There Life After Bullying?

A recent study from the Josephson Institute of Ethics in Los Angeles revealed the startling figures that more than 50 percent of all high school students have been bullied or have bullied other students. This information was obtained from surveys of 43,321 students between the ages of 15 and 18. These students were from 78 different public schools and 22 private schools. Media attention has focused on students who were bullied by their peers and chose to take their own lives, but perhaps teenagers who are feeling that hopelessness should know about those of us who survived being bullied and are living proof that there is life after bullying.

I am one such story. My early school years were typical and I was one of those students who fell snugly into the middle--not really popular and not completely invisible. I had my friends and enjoyed school. Life was good--until around sixth grade.

That year, I became a target. I don't know what triggered it other than the fact that there was a new girl in my class and for some reason she hated me. She became popular very quickly and I have always assumed that something about me drew her attention and planted a bulls-eye directly on me.

From that moment forward, I became a target of mean pranks to which most adults would respond with "Just ignore it." As an adult now, I can look back and see how ignoring things was the best choice, but that is from an adult point of view. As a 12-year-old, a 14-year-old, a 16-year-old--my ability to ignore the ridicule and pranks was not fully developed.

In sixth, seventh and eight grade the pranks and bullying was minor--belittling comments, the popular boy pretending to have a crush on me so the rest of the popular kids could giggle and snicker at the joke. By the time I made it into high school, though, the bullying turned mean, and it hurt more.

During my freshman year, there was an incident that has stuck with me for 20 plus years. The same girl who had started out hating me in sixth grade and another girl took advantage of the teacher leaving the room. I had worn a hooded sweatshirt to school that day and the hood was grabbed and pulled over my head. One of them grabbed the strings in the hood and pulled them as tight as they would go then knotted the strings before I could stop them. This left only a small hole that I couldn't really see out of. I could hear them laughing and the other kids in the room laughing and I felt like dying.

I remember trying to feel of the knot so I could untie it and being able to see my own fingers through the hole in the hood. One of the girls had a pocketknife and I saw and felt them rake the blade across my fingers to keep me from untying the knot.

I wish I could remember how I managed to get the hood undone and how the rest of that event ended, but I honestly don't remember. My next memory is of being in the bathroom, looking at my reflection in the mirror and trying very hard not to cry over the fear and humiliation I had felt. I didn't want anyone to see me cry.

Most people think that bullying of this type only happens in large, urban schools. Mine was not. It was a tiny, rural school in the Midwest. My graduating class had around 30 students and that was the size of most of the classes in the high school.

Bullying happens everywhere.

There were other incidents throughout my high school years--mostly name calling, tales being told about things I had supposedly said or done, and belittling comments about my weight or other aspects of who I was. By the time I graduated high school, I believed I was a fat, ugly, stupid creature who didn't really deserve to live. I would daydream about getting out of this small town and never looking back. I would dream about the bullies dying horrible deaths or at least getting fat and ugly and being hated by everyone in the world. Such are the thought processes of a teenager.

I have been out of high school for 20 years now and at the age of 38 I can look back and see the bullies for what they were: Insecure teenagers who were unhappy with themselves for some reason. I saw other kids bullied and treated badly and even though I understood their personal pain, I never tried to intervene because I was being left alone when someone else was being bullied.

Did I ever think about killing myself to end the misery? You bet. I didn't try it though, because I held onto the belief that something better was waiting for me past high school. I smiled and pretended like everything was okay, even sometimes laughed along with the bullies as they made fun of me, but inside I was crying--and holding on to hope that my future would be better.

I am living proof that there is life after bullying. I grew up. I lived my life. I now have three beautiful children whom I adore and a job as a freelance writer which I love.

I still live in the same small town and rarely even think of the classmates who made my life Hell. I know where some of them are and what they are doing but truthfully, I don't care. They no longer have any bearing on my world and my life like they did when we were in high school. I now see myself as a beautiful woman who is loving and is loved by many. I am also a much stronger person and won't allow someone to bully me. That is something that I have developed over the years and through life experience, but it didn't come easy.

My message to students who are being bullied would be this: Don't let the bullies win. There is something better waiting for you and your life is worth living. You are beautiful and wonderful just as you are and your future is bright. Talk to a trusted adult to get through this and don't sell yourself--or your life--short.