Is There a Right Way to Parent?

Most of us are guilty of judging other parents, whether or not we are parents ourselves. As a parent, we feel we have some authority on the matter, so we can sort of judge the abilities of other parents. Non-parents tend to have a more academic approach that is probably the result of hearing or reading what the "best" ways to deal with children are. Some non-parents genuinely have a good idea what being a parent is like from living with or spending lots of time with parents (aside from their own).

However, what is the correct way to parent? For that matter, is there a correct way to parent?

Many people point to all of the news stories of juvenile delinquents committing crimes, spoiled stars and trust fund babies as a sign that parents are too lax in disciplining their children. Of course, stories about misbehaving celebrities and juveniles committing crimes tend to get more news coverage than an average kid who goes to school, does their chores, and has manners. So the news doesn't really represent an accurate example of the population as a whole.

There are divisive groups of parenting philosophies which tend to skewer anyone who doesn't believe in their particular system. One example is "helicopter parents" vs. "free range parents". Free range parents feel that overprotecting your child deprives them of the chance to develop independence and learn from their mistakes. Helicopter parents believe in staying close to their children and keeping a very watchful eye on them to keep them safe.

Is one way undeniably better than the other? Personally, I think that the situation depends on the child. Children mature at different rates, so what one child can do at age seven doesn't mean that all seven year olds can be trusted to do the same things.

Since my children have moderate-to-severe autism and mental retardation, I watch them very closely to ensure they are safe. Does this mean I'm a helicopter parent? I don't feel as if I have any choice but to closely watch them, as everyday occurrences and household items can pose a serious risk for them. They can get choked on small items, much like toddlers, because they don't understand the risk of choking. They might try to eat something poisonous, so almost everything in my house is under lock and key.

Public outings seem to offer the greatest opportunity for both giving and receiving parenting advice (whether or not it is warranted). I've been on the receiving end of some pretty harsh "suggestions", such as when we were in the ER at about 2 am and the girls were trying to run around the waiting room and out the entrance. Three adults who were accompanying one newborn infant said I should "beat them kids". Yeah. Easy to say when you are sitting on your butt with a sleeping infant and I have two developmentally disabled children who are cranky and hyper.

Still, even knowing that things aren't always what they seem, particularly because of my experiences, I still catch myself judging other parents. I never say anything to them, because I don't feel it's my place. Still, I'm unhappy that I have an automatic parent-judging reaction.

Just the other day I was in a Kroger store and a woman's two sons were bickering. One just had to have the last say, so his mom gave him a threat, "You say one more word and I'm going to smack your face in front of all these people!" I remember thinking that it wasn't really a horrible thing to say, but I was kind of embarrassed for the kid. Luckily he decided that getting the last word wasn't really worth a smack in the face.

I personally feel that parents all have their own style. So long as it isn't abusive or negligent and they are doing the best they can the kids are probably going to be all right. No matter how good a job a parent does, there is always the chance that a child will grow up to have issues or make bad decisions. But by doing your best you shouldn't beat yourself up about it.