Is There Such a Thing as Parenting Instinct?

When we're awaiting a new baby's arrival in our lives, a lot of thoughts can be passing through our minds. How do we best protect and nurture this new life that will soon be placed in our care? Maybe we think back to our own childhoods, and as we recall our upbringing we consider its joys - which we want to pass on to our own kids, and the sorrows and frustrations - the things that we want to avoid. Or, we may frantically turn to other family members or friends, anyone who has any experience in the matter, and ask for help.

One of the modern myths of parenting seeks to assuage our fears at this point. It says that once our children are here, instinct will take over and we'll automatically know how to go about raising them.

If we look at the history of human beings on this planet, though, we can see that there have been countless approaches to parenting, most of which had their benefits and drawbacks. Basically, the methods that parents used were in line with the belief systems and the prevalent morals of the time. This extended into all aspects of children's lives: their health care, feeding, discipline, responsibilities (or lack of them), etc.

The approaches have always varied because the social structures have all been different; and part of a parent's job has always been to help his or her children adapt to the world around them. This means that we have to understand the perils and the pitfalls of what's out there. Gut feelings alone won't save us.

Instinct can teach us how to love, and how to be responsive and protective. But it doesn't provide a blueprint for the thousands of big and small challenges that we'll face throughout our years as parents. Look at the ways in which we developed, ourselves. There was a natural growth process that took place in our brains, expanding their power and abilities, but we still had to apply ourselves and work to gain knowledge. The instinct that's aroused when we become parents provides the raw material for our success, but from there we have to develop a lot of skills that we didn't have before.

Some we'll learn through trial and error; others, by reading, seeking advice, conferring with teachers, and even taking classes. Children are unique, which means that their individual roads can never be mapped out in advance. What's more, the world they're entering into is complex - and still becoming more so. Instinct alone cannot guide us through the maze of modern parenting. We need practice, persistence, and a willingness to learn as well.