Is Three the New Terrible Twos?

If you are the parent of a toddler, you probably know better than anyone that it's not the two's that are so terrible, but it is the three's. When my son turned exactly 2 years and 8 months, something changed. It was like someone flipped a switch and my compliant, calm, eager to please little boy was swallowed up by a melt-down prone, emotionally labile, and easily overwhelmed terror. Most other moms I talk to have found the same thing to be true of their three year olds. Where did our sweet, cute, cuddly toddlers go? What's a parent to do? Here we will explore some of the most effective ways to handle these little allies turned enemies.

Management Tip #1:Remember, in most cases, this is just a phase. It can be lengthy phase, but it is still a phase. Keeping it in perspective can help it feel more manageable. Mood swings do not mean she is bi-polar. Repeated explosive outbursts do not mean he has intermittent explosive disorder. Flitting from thing to thing does not mean she has ADHD. Fast forward a few years and you can be assured that when she is 5 or 6 year she is not going to have a melt-down if you happen to sit on her right rather than her left when you read her a story. As the old saying goes, "This, too, shall pass."

Management Tip #2:Rational arguments are a waste of breath. Even though it makes perfect sense to you why she could just as easily wear the pink socks with the cats rather than the pink socks with the dogs, no rational argument is going to convince her you are right. Don't waste your time or energy trying to help her "see the light." This takes us to tip #3.

Management Tip #3:Pick your battles. Not every decision has to turn into World War III. Who cares if he wears plaid shorts and a tie-dye shirt? Does it really matter if she has carrots for breakfast? Will you really be that much later if you let her try to tie her own shoes? These are the small things that you can let go as she spreads her wings, exerts her authority, and samples what life has to offer. Things like obedience to instruction, following directions, gentle hands and words are battles you want to win. Remember, your actions will speak louder than words. Less talk, more action will get you the results you want. In fact, you can be a very effective parent by not talking at all.

Management Tip #4:Discipline without emotion. Easier said than done, I know. But what your little one is telling you by her behavior is that she is overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with her emotions, her physical experiences (sensitivities to smell, touch, taste, sound), and her surroundings. The last thing she needs is for you to lose it too. She needs you and is depending on you to hold it together. She needs you to be her tether to solid ground because she is swimming in unfamiliar, turbulent waters, and she is afraid.

Management Tip #5:Schedule cuddle time. Take some time after a bath, after a nap (if you are one of the lucky ones who has a napper at this age), or before bed time to curl up together. You need to manufacture opportunities to re-connect with your three year old so that you will have a more balanced experience of her. Trust me, your sweet little boy or girl is in there somewhere. Find time to reconnect and you will get to see a daily glimpse of the past (and the future).