Issues of Trust

Being trustworthy is what makes you a good friend, employer, client, customer but that is only if you are trustworthy. It matters most when you consider someone your friend. You want to be able to trust them. Whether it is a secret, a shoulder when you need someone to talk or a few bucks if they have it when you need it.

The problem with trust is that when one person or situation shatters it, it multiplies and has great effect on other people and situations. I remember my first real job. This very nice lady hired me as a sale associate. I was grateful because I was only sixteen and I really had no experience. I was excited and overly enthused only to find out that the job was boring most of the time, however, I made the best of it. I cleaned where it needed to be cleaned and even cleaned areas that weren't dirty because I just wasn't able to spend eight hours standing in one spot. After a few months of reporting to work on time, keeping the department neat, and really not making a heck of alot money, I was proud of myself. Then one day, someone called me out of the department to help them with a register problem. I was no more than five feet away from my department helping someone else when I was called to the human resources office.

I was being let go, fired and canned for leaving my department unattended, this one time. There was no one there and I only left to go help someone with a sale. The reasoning was valid but all I could do was cry. In front of the lady, I cried my eyes out and begged for my job. She just shook her head and barked policies at me. I received no warnings or chances. This set the stage for job loyalty. To this day I no longer trust employers. There have been positions that could have really flourished for me but I never really gave my all or stayed around because in the back of my mind I have never felt comfortable enough. In the back of my mind there is always this thought that they put in your hiring agreement that they can fire you with or without reason and they would if they wanted to with or without reason.

I had already made up my mind that being under someone else's reckless will is not my cup of tea. That is why I have always wanted to start my own business. The naïve part of this grand scheme was that I thought that I could start a business without depending on anyone. You can laugh because I have laughed at me already! After came back down to earth, I realized that it would not be wise to perpetuate great success with no support or help. Yes, anyone has the ability to be a success but no one has the ability to withstand the burdens and trials alone. And there will be trials. This is when you need to trust.

Who wants to trust after being hurt? Well, if I was an open vessel my father put the cap on me, snake-skinned men twisted the cap a little and phony friends and employers further twisted me shut.

So how do you trust again? Slowly. Will you get hurt again? Surely. Friendships and relationships have to be important to you in order for you to take a stab at it again. There is nothing that will breed more disinterest then something you care nothing about. And when you don't care about something, it not maintained. When something is not maintained, it suffers.

So inviting people into your life is the first thing but have discretion on who is invited. And when you invite, place boundaries until you feel safe. Talk about what you want to talk about when it comes to you. Share from moment to moment and not all at once. Approach employment on a friendly, professional level and keep private office friendships to a minimum if you find that workplace trust is what suffers.

If you have dealt with a spouse who has been unfaithful, decide to trust from a new point. The great thing about intimate relationships is that you now have the upper hand and they need to do whatever needs to be done in order for you to trust them. Of course, there are times when you have moved on from that person and are with someone new that you are having problems trusting. Explain to them what happened, how you felt and what you need from them to help out with this. This gives them an opportunity to either work through this with you or decide to opt-out so that you can deal with these things. You can decide now whether let go of the past and keep this person in your life or that you are not ready to trust anyone just yet.

Not trusting others mostly stems from unresolved issues. This not only scrambles your view of others but it also scrambles your view of yourself. You then become a person who can't be trusted. This does not mean that you are a crappy individual. This really means that you are dealing with something that you do not have proper practice doing: trusting others. There is no way that you can execute trustworthiness if you have no idea or just rather not deal in the daily habit of trust. Just like love, honesty and kindness, trust is a two-way street. Lessons in these issues usually come with interacting and learning from others that do practice these things wholeheartedly. However, if you don't open up to the notion of these things actually being beneficial to your life, it won't matter who comes in and out of your life, you will still be trapped, not trusting and not growing.