It Happened One Halloween: Be a Survivor Not a Victim!

The Assignment here is to write a "Scary Halloween Personal Story". If you are looking for a ghost and goblin story, you might want to stop here. Though my story does have a monster in it, it is not a typical "scary" Halloween story.

I have not given this memory much thought the last 20 years. I refuse to let it dine at my table and feast on my emotions and make me a victim. People say "well it happened that makes you a victim" But I say "it makes me a survivor." If I allowed the memories to manifest in my soul, eat me alive from the inside out, THEN I would be a victim.

I was at work, Halloween 1989. At the time I was a front desk clerk for a local hotel. It was not in the worst neighborhoods, but it was not the best either. The wind was kicking in off and on all day. My doors were rattling; I could feel the vibration in my bones. The sun had set an hour before. Usually I locked the doors and use the night window around 9:00 or 10:00 p.m. On this night due to the wind and an over all uneasy feeling I decided to lock up early. As I got to the door, I was fumbling with the key ring looking for the proper key. I looked up and a man appeared. He startled me and I gasped a little. I told him I was locking up and he had to go to the night window. Just the door stood between him and me, as he pleaded to please let him come inside out of the wind. I apologized and said "I could not do that he would have to step aside to the window." As I was about to put the key in the door to secure the lock he pushed his way in.

Panic rushed through my body as I tried to turn away and flee. He was too close, I felt his hand grasp my arm and shove me in the direction of a back meeting room. I could feel his breath on my neck and smell the cigarettes and booze. My mind was spinning as I was calculating just how I was going to get out of this predicament. I knew I would just have to wait for the right moment.

Before I knew it, I was pinned to the floor and he kept forcing me to kiss him. Not a gentle kiss, he was biting me. I could taste the blood as it trickled from my lip down my chin. He had my arms pinned above my head, so I couldn't get the strength to push him off me. I felt dizzy for a moment, everything fuzzy in my mind. I could not believe this was happening to me. I was screaming on the inside and pleading for him to stop in my thoughts. I could feel the terror in my chest rise and want release with a whimper or something. But I denied its request and I stayed quiet, calm as I tried to orchestrate my escape in my thoughts. I refused to scream or beg for him to stop. Rape is about power, not sex. A rapist uses actual force or violence or the threat of it to take control over another human being. A rapist gets pleasure from evoking fear and panic from another. They enjoy seeing the alarm in their victim's eye and the fright in their petitions to stop. I decided I would not give this vile person that satisfaction!

While running his fingers over my throat he said "you have a beautiful neck, it would be a shame if it got slashed." At which time he produced a knife. The room was dark except for the moonlight shining through the window and reflecting off the cool steel blade. I heard the night bell ring in the background. He placed his hand on my mouth and mouthed to be quiet as he waved his weapon before my eyes. At this point I was beginning to feel defeated. I couldn't imagine how I would escape this situation. I began to silently pray. I prayed for strength to either escape or cope after the horrifying act was done. I prayed to see my family and friends again. I prayed just to make it through this night and come out a stronger person. My prayers were answered......... He set the knife down. Then he moved aside to lift my skirt up, I was laying there my panties exposed, watching him on his knees start to unbuckle his belt. I saw my opportunity and swiftly stiffed legged him in the throat. He fell over and I got up and ran to the office connecting to the room we were in. I locked the door and called 911.

They never found him. I always wonder how many more women he has tormented or if he ever got caught for another crime. I always second guess myself and wonder if maybe I should have went for the knife he had set aside within my reach. Maybe if I would have I could have injured him enough to slow him down or where he would have to go to the hospital and then he may have been caught and unable to hurt another person again.

Halloween was never the same for me after that. But honestly I don't really dwell in the matter. It pops in my mind once in awhile on the date. After this and a few more incidences in my life, I decided to take the negative and make a positive. I started volunteering my time to talk with women who have gone through such ordeals. I am not a trained counselor, but often they just need someone to listen who isn't awkward or uncomfortable. I never sought out counseling or help myself. Actually I told very few people it happened. I just went on with my life. I felt that was the best thing to do. I am lucky in that way, being able to do that and strong enough.

I don't recommend doing nothing as I did. If you have been a victim of violence, please report the crime and seek some kind of help or support group, not doing so you may make yourself a victim forever.

Below I have compiled contact information.

RAINN (Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network)
Provides support and confidential crisis counseling for victims of sexual assault. Callers are automatically routed to the crisis center nearest to them.
Voice: 1-800-656-4673
Website: http://www.rainn.org
E-mail: info@rainn.org

National Sexual Violence Resource Center
Provides information and referrals relating to all aspects of sexual violence to persons and agencies. Resources include statistics, research, legal, statutes and prevention. Not for crisis situations.
Voice: 1-877-739-3895
Website: http://www.nsvrc.org

National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline
Provides support, crisis intervention, problem-solving techniques and referrals for victims of dating abuse ages 13-18, their families and advocates. Limited information and referrals for batterers is available as well.
Voice: 1-866-331-9474
TDD: 1-866-331-8453

National Domestic Violence Hotline
A non profit organization that provides crisis intervention, information and referral to victims of domestic violence, perpetrators, friends and families.
VOICE: 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)
TDD: 1.800.787.3224
WEBSITE: HTTP://WWW.NDVH.ORG/