It Takes a Village to Raise a Child

A few days ago I had a very interesting conversation with one of my non-biological mothers, Mrs. Marrow, while sitting in Temple University's Hospital. We discussed the difference in which children are raised today opposed to when she was an adolescent. There were two differences, the first was that the parents are becoming younger each generation. That means that babies are raising babies so to speak. 35 years ago, the idea of having a child out of wedlock or at the age of 16 was unheard of and enough to get you disowned by your family. Today, teen parents are as common as glazed ham at thanksgiving dinner and our communities do not see this as an increasing epidemic. The second difference is the "village" system that helped raise individuals such as Mrs. Marrow is non existent in today's society.

If you are unfamiliar with the "village" system then please allow me to briefly explain. There is an old saying, "it takes a village to raise a child", and that saying was the foundation in which African Americans raised their children. The village was not only the immediate family but the neighbors, friends of the family, teachers and anyone around the child. In the days in which my mother and grandmother grew up, everyone knew your parents or friends of your parents so the adults looked out for each others child. For example, if any adult witnessed a child misbehaving and his or her parents were not around then that adult stepped in to try to right the wrongs of the child, despite formally knowing the child or not. If ten kids were outside playing kick ball or jumping rope, the adult(s) in attendance looked after all the children and not just their own. If any problems occurred, the adult would handle it right then and there but was also sure to notify the child's' parents. The duties of the "village" also extended to discipline as well.

Today, that model does not even enter into the minds of the parents of this generation. The parents of today are too focused on spending money than spending time. While parents try to out-do the Jones' by draping their son's and daughter's in the latest expensive footwear,apparel, and accessories, the child is not being taught anything valuable. It is to the point now that parents do not want other people saying anything to him or her about one's child for the fear of being judged or feeling embarrassed if a stranger attempts to correct bad behavior. The young parents of this generation think as if he or she already knows everything as well as thinking they are invincible thus rejecting any type of outside assistance. What this generation and the one to follow are failing to understand is that they are doing more harm than good.

By rejecting help, advice or a lending hand from outsiders you are subconsciously teaching your child to not respect other adults or authority figures outside the home. That disrespect for elders and authority figures soon turns into disrespect for peers and eventually themselves. Down the line those lessons are carried with that child, now an adult, and passed onto their offspring thus keeping the cycle going round and round. Combine those examples with the fact that the current generation sits their children in front of the idiot box, X Box and computer for hours on end without any interaction and what do we have? A recipe for a destructive, mis-guided generation.

Personally, I understand the saying, "it takes a village to raise a child" and even at the age of 27 with a daughter of my own, I still incorporate it in my life. Being as though I have had the pleasure to travel and live in a multitude of cities and states, I have also set-up villages of my own to help me in my growth as a man. In North Carolina I have my church mother and father Mr. & Mrs. Williams, in Pennsylvania I have my spiritual mother Ms. Nadine and my conscience mother Carla, and Ms. Henderson, in Connecticut I have my mothers Mrs. Graves, my own biological mother Damita, my "brother" Benjamin in Atlanta, Tracy in Connecticut and the same goes for my people in New York and South Carolina. My "village" is extended where ever I go and they have my best interest at heart. I said that to say that even though I am a grown man, I still relay on my "village" to assist me because I am smart enough to know that I don't know everything. Being a new parent as well, I need even more help from those who have come before me for the sake of myself as well as my daughter.

My "village" kept me from acting a fool when I wasn't under the watchful eye and iron hand of my biological family. My "village" has kept me out of jail, away from drugs and has aided me in becoming as successful as I have become thus far. Did I find this "village" of people on my own? Not at all because I wasn't looking. I would say that I have been fortunate enough to realize these wonderful people when they showed themselves to me and I was smart enough to listen to the things I was taught. The best thing I could have done was keep my "village" active in my life despite moving out of state because a "village" only grows not dwindles if one leaves the community.

But what is the cause of the absent ideology of the "village"? Personally I feel there are two factors to the missing "village", the first is single parent homes and the second is technological advances. Single parents, especially those of multiple children would want to adapt the "village" idea but quite the contrary. Single parents tend to work twice as hard due to economic reasons thus not being able to spend the quality time with ones child let alone the child of another. Single parents worry about economic problems so much that the physical and developmental well being of his or her child goes unattended. If single parents utilized the "village" structure the way it was designed, those around their child(ren) would aide in the child's development. But when no "village" is present and the parent always at work, then those unattended children learn lessons and aspects of life such as sex, drugs, love, money management and other things from unreliable sources or from those whom don't have their best interest at heart.

The biggest problem are the technological advances that our society has made. It is my belief that the more technologically advanced we become, the further the family and "village" structure part ways. Computers, hand held music mp3 devices, interactive gaming systems, and on line social networks teach the youth to be cut off from people, family and makes them think that everything can be done themselves. The great things about technological improvements are that it does teach teens and young adults to be independent and computer literate but the hours spend divulged in a cyber world is destroying the connections with children and their parents. With these factors involved, the "village" does not stand a change if the usage of technology goes unregulated.

Because of the impact that my "village" has had on my life I am using that same "village", along with new additions, to have the same impact on the life of my daughter. For the success and survival of our generation and those to come, I think it is imperative that we, as a people and not just African Americans, get back to that ideology and help each other raise the future occupants of this earth. Our community, society, country and world depend on them and it is up to us as parents and adults to do right by them.