It's All About the Children: Conquer Unrealistic Expectations as Parents

One day I found myself sitting in my bathroom, door locked, bawling while my small children howled from the other side. I felt lost; claustrophobic and extremely unrested. I looked into the mirror and did not know who was staring back at me. The circles under my eyes looked as if I hadn't slept in weeks, my hair was thinning and my complexion was relatively sallow. Was I sick?

The answer was not as simple as a yes or no. I forgot to take care of myself while raising my children and ultimately they were suffering for it. I had pushed a core belief into my subconscious, that while noble was not healthy. Do it all for the children; they are innocent bystanders in this life who should come first no matter what.

I stood perplexed by my appearance wondering if I should see a doctor. Immediately I began a self depreciating checklist of why I could not. School was starting soon and three of my six children needed school supplies, new shoes and clothes. I had appointments for their yearly physicals, dental and eye checkups. Of course my youngest two needed their well baby appointments.

The list continued as my bank account slowly dwindled in my mind. Time was fleeting and managed down to the smallest fraction of a second. I was not important. The children were what was important. I continued in this manner of thinking until I collapsed from exhaustion. It was at this point my core beliefs on raising children were drastically challenged.

Children are innocent to this world. They do depend on us; as their parents we provide safety, stability and nurture them until they themselves are capable of sustaining themselves. Children also learn more by what they see their parents do rather than what is said. Watching a parent ignore a physical ailment and continue to do so until they are slapped into reality by their own bodies is not a healthy observation. If we want to raise happy, healthy and well adjusted children; we must ourselves be happy, healthy and well adjusted.

Although working three jobs to pay the bills seems like the only way to make ends meet at times, we must ask ourselves if we are working to pay the bills or if we are working to maintain a lifestyle. We think it is harmless for our children to witness this, or that we are teaching them the value of working hard for what they have. What do they see? They see a parent rushing to and from work with no time for themselves let alone for their family. A parent who is slowly causing damage to their body, their relationships and their own mental and emotional well being.

Their future relationships greatly depend on what they see at home. The way they interact with friends, peers, love interests, co-workers and even their own children. Will we teach them to cherish their relationships and nurture the bonds that come naturally as we interact with the people around us? To do this we have to take the time to nurture those relationships ourselves. As human beings we crave interaction and bodily contact. When we shun this contact in the guise of having no time for "play" we are showing our children that it is not important.

We are important as parents, as human beings with wants and needs that we often push aside for what we believe is the grown-up thing to do. We as parents expect too much of ourselves, and trust me when I say, our children DO NOT expect that from us. We need to take time for ourselves to show our children that they are worth that time themselves. Are we not worth that as well?