It's Easy to Become a Preacher
But is This Really the Way to Do It??
So read on and learn what I learned by the click of my mouse.
So you need advise from a preacher? Well look no farther. I have joined the ranks of becoming a Minister. But I had a different calling than most Ministers. You see, it wasn't the voice of God that called upon me. It was my computer. ..... guess I had better start from the beginning;
I have a `page' on my internet service called `CRaYON'. It stands for `CReate Your Own Newspaper'. In it, I have 8 online Newspapers from around the U.S. as well as one from Scotland. I like to read what's going on in this country of ours. In `CRaYON', I also have a search area where I can look up anything by subject. For example, I might type "Airbag" and hit the search button to locate anything that has been printed in one of my newspapers about airbags.
Anyhow, I had heard about a New World church that had a lot of folks upset. Ministers were speaking out against it but not as loud as the IRS. It seems people were joining the `Universal Life Church' so they could claim certain liberties with tax money. Churches are Tax Exempt and these types of churches were handing out certificates to ordain anyone who made a little donation. Ah, the catch.
I thought I would check out this `Universal Life Church' on my search page in `CRaYON'. I found that the State of Tennessee was filing charges against the `Church' and an article that people were contacting State Officials to see if Marriages performed by these `Ministers' were indeed legal.
I continued my search which led me to a Web Page of the `ULC' and there in plain English was how to become an ordained minister right over the internet..... for free! Well heck, I always wondered what it felt like to be ordained so I pushed the button. In about 15 seconds I received a very nice certificate from the `Universal Life Church' signed by Bishop Kirby J Hensley, President. I was ORDAINED!
Oh my goodness, what had I gotten myself into? They Emailed me a list of Degrees I could also acquire ... by sending a donation. For only $100, I could receive a Phd in Religion. Or for $200, I could take a `Common Law' course that would allow me to represent folks in court. Of course they also make a small note that, "You might have some trouble with judges letting you practice in court..." Yea, I bet so. I would bet if I called myself a Minister, every REAL Minister would be chasing me down the street, chunking rocks at me.
Well, what to do??? I guess I can claim my flock as all those sinful dogs in town. I can marry all those fleabags to one another who are `Dating' and that way all those Daddyless pups could draw Pup Support and ease the financial burden of the owners. I may marry dogs and even birds and hamsters. I
also, could do funerals for cats, blessings for goldfish and even council donkeys that are having a `lovers spat'.
One thing though, I will not hear confessions from an Emu ...... after all, I do have my pride.
Published by Jay Wilson
I have been writing for 30 years and have been a columnist for 4 newspapers during that time. I also enjoy writing short stories. I have recently finished my second novel and have started on a third. View profile
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6 Comments
Post a CommentPlease do not mistake this Universal (Life) Church incorporated by Kirby Hensley in 1962 and who ordains satanists for the original Church and who holds proprietary rights to the name. The original Church was founded in the 2nd Century and would become the Roman Church, following the Edict of Milan in 312 CE and the birth of Christianity in 313 CE it would become the Catholic Church. Universal comes from the Greeks and means Catholic. Interfaith ordination as provided by Hensley's spin-off only provides individuals the right to perform as officiants for weddings, baptisms and funerals. For more information, which includes a more extensive ordination based on the doctrine of our founding Church, go to: http://www.ulcnetwork.com Brother Michael is the only baptized and Christian ordained leader associated with the Universal (Life) Church. Please refer to the website for information on how to become ordained legitimately as a non-denominational minister.
and for a long time i want to become a preacher can anyone help me out please
My dream to become a preacher.and also to become a physical therapist,I love to bien the present of god.To speak the world for these people out there wold...May God bless thank you.
Well, one should never question the sincerity of someone wanting to become an ordained minister through online ULC or offline Princeton theo. U. Is one a better minister because one is a graduate of established religious or educational entity? No one can know. And I'm not talking about intellectual stuff. I am talking about sincerity and compassion which might be more important attributes for ministry than theological competence. The proof will be in the pudding. Let the person's action speak. Don't automatically disqualify and condemn all ULC certified people until proven otherwise.
One more thing: One should never universalize or ascribe one's own experience/intent on others as this writer has done. His experience/intent is of his own and no more than that.
This article made me laugh. I have an acquaintance who takes his ordination from ULC VERY seriously, and performs 'ceremonies.' What a joke. I didn't want my name associated with them, so I signed up as a minister years ago under my horse's name, to see if it was real.
Make sure you charge the local dogs a hefty fee for your services - after a few weddings, you can pay for your PhD. :-)
Funny stuff. You should write a follow-up about what happens when you put it on your resume, tell people at parties, etc.