It's an Election Year so It's Time to Roll Out the Scandals

It seems that every way I turn these days there's another political controversy erupting. It's amazing how quiet things can be when it's not an election year but as soon as one comes around the scandals start flying all over the place. From national news to some of the local Illinois races it certainly seems to be a time proving the theory that there isn't a single honest politician left on the planet anywhere.

The last politician I thought looked honest was Paul Simon from Illinois. The guy wore a bow-tie for crying out loud and who would be dishonest in a bow-tie? However it just seemed whenever he appeared on television like an honest guy. Still, maybe he just had better handlers than most politicians do these days.

This guy named Foley out of Florida was forced to resign because he was found to be sending suggestive e-mails to various male Senate pages. Seriously, if you have the desire to solicit underage people of any sex why would you use e-mail? Have you learned nothing from those "To Catch a Predator?" shows on Dateline? If you use e-mail you leave a trail. That is a phrase worth of Jesse Jackson or the late Johnny Cochran but it's true.

I heard this morning he is now saying he suffers from alcoholism. This also seems to be the popular thing to do these days. When that nimrod from Access Hollywood got caught leaving those perverted voicemails for some woman he immediately went into rehab. When Mel Gibson got pulled over and began blaming Jews for everything that has gone wrong with the world since the dawn of time he blamed alcohol. The only thing that would have been more in vogue would be for Foley to claim he was suffering from exhaustion.

Bob Woodward has released a book that says the Bush Administration doesn't know what they are doing when it comes to the Iraq war. What amazes me about this story is that the Bush Administration is acting like the rest of us will think this is new information. They are running around like those meerkats on that show "Meerkat Manor" on Animal Planet trying to persuade the rest of us that it isn't the truth. Is there really anyone out there who doesn't think the Bush Administration has so completely screwed up this war that there isn't any easy way to get out of it? Just how blinded by idiocy are you if you still think that everything is hunky-dorey in Iraq and that we're going to win that thing? Can you even tell me what a "win" will be when it comes to the Iraq war? I didn't think so.

In Illinois the governor continues to have problems. We have a governor who is a Democrat and I will admit to voting for the guy. The previous governor, George Ryan, was a Republican and his office was riddled with controversy and scandal. I thought it was time for a change. So, I thought this Blagojevich guy was the answer. I think this was my last delusion when it comes to politics and old Blago' has proven to be just as corrupt as his predecessor. On the other hand you have to wonder if the problems in the state of Illinois are so ingrained that no one would stand a chance.

In order to get a job for the state of Illinois you have to know someone already in politics. Either that or you have to have a rich relative who can make a huge campaign donation and then you can get rewarded with a sweet state job. I have heard that even the tollbooth operators in this state got their jobs because they know someone or someone in their family knows someone. It's just the way things operate around here.

The same goes for the city of Chicago. Over the past year the mayor of Chicago has been embroiled in a scandal that accuses him of "patronage." Essentially patronage is exactly what I described above at a state level. To me the funnies thing was the shock and outrage with which the local media has covered the scandal. It was as if the journalists in this town were the only ones who didn't now that this was how Chicago worked. This is how Chicago has worked since Chicago first became a city. In Chicago it is now what you can do but who you know.

Of course this can be a problem with certain jobs. For example there was apparently a guy who got a job inspecting these tall wooden porches you find on the inner-city apartment buildings who had no real qualifications for the job. Apparently he gave a passing code to one porch that promptly collapsed when a little girl leaned against a railing and she fell to her death. Yeah, I would say that's pretty bad.

Still, the way Chicago works is that you have to know someone to get a city job. There certainly seem to be enough city jobs to go around too. From aldermen and their huge-sized staffs down to the people who sell you your city vehicle stickers it is a magnificent machine and each is a tiny cog. As you might imagine a machine with that many cogs, however, often moves very slowly and not quite as efficiently as one with a lot less cogs.

So, generally speaking, I can safely report that it is business as usual in the political world. American politics has been nasty from the get-go back when everyone was wearing powdered wigs and each of them owned their own printing press. Back then, with no television, you just printed up material that slandered your opponent and distributed it all over town. Sometime people got so offended they ended up in a gun duel.

Personally, I think maybe we ought to bring that back. If these politicians could actually duel each other then maybe they wouldn't make such nasty commercials about each other. In Illinois all we see are the two gubernatorial candidates hurling vicious commercials about each other at the airwaves. There was even one with Judy Barr-Topinka and her dogs watching television. When the pets come out you know the gloves are off.

So, we continue to have a President who is blissfully ignorant of pretty much everything. In Illinois we have a governor who is corrupt despite his hair helmet. In Chicago you still can't get a job without making a "donation" or knowing someone who already has a city job.

Sounds like business as usual.

Bryan W. Alaspa's new novel Dust is now available at his website www.bryanalaspa.com and www.amazon.com.