It's Good to Be Selfish

I am a selfish person. I am someone who is more interested in cultivating my talents, skills, and basic human needs than in forsaking these things so that others might have them. Does this sound like a bad thing? Actually, it isn't. In fact, if people did not take care of themselves, they would have to forever be dependent upon others who are in no position to take care of others, either. For if one cannot take care of one's own needs, how can that person possibly meet the needs of others?

The fact of the matter is this: you cannot give what you do not have, and cannot give what is not yours to give. Only those who have -- those who are selfish -- can give to others, be able to help those in need. Ayn Rand and David Seabury said it best about selfishness: how being selfish with your ambitions, needs, and wants is a good thing, your only salvation, while sacrificial altruism is more destructive to human society. Living off of others is a bad thing, while looking out for your own interests is a good thing.

Having been raised to believe that being selfish is a bad thing and that I was to "forsake myself and put others first" according to Roman Catholic Church doctrine that I was a member of as a child, it took years to shake off this way of thinking which proved to have disastrous consequences to me. Sure, I was told to "give up" my ambitions, needs, and desires, which I did and which caused me untold misery. Wanting to become a fashion designer, having to forsake job offers so that someone else could have them (!) and so much more actually made me more than resentful at the time. But by doing so I'd get the proverbial pat on the head and told that I was being such a "good girl." By nature I am hardly a "good girl" as I am a human being first and foremost with the instinct to survive and the right to survive, even when that right was stripped from me. Neither am I a "nice girl" as I have a notorious reputation for sheltering my husband from the presence of other women. Selfishness is not relative, not to me anyways, and when I discovered that being selfish is necessary to be self sufficient and dependent as a person.

Later on I learned that rights must be demanded, never asked for. I did in fact have the right to be selfish with my life and develop my own interests as I saw fit, no matter who else might try to coerce me into thinking otherwise. But something as simple as a job offer does not end there, even though I admit to being the last person in the world to sacrifice a job offer for someone else. No, I do not always think of others first before my needs, especially when the others seem to be doing perfectly all right in taking care of their own needs. Putting my needs off for others does not even so much as guarantee that others will do for me, because most of the time it doesn't. If I give up a career in fashion design, exactly who is going to take care of that for me? Putting off one's needs and ambitions for others is faulty thinking since most of the time, nobody else is going to reciprocate, no matter how much you do for others. Living selfishly, one never has to worry about who is going to achieve your dream career for you, feed you, or educate you. Nobody is going to live for another person, that is just not how it works in the real world.

What does this mean for me who is no longer not only a Roman Catholic but not a Christian? That being selfish is good, whether it is developing my skills and talents to land a well paying job, learning a foreign language for myself, spending the day alone with my husband, reading a book, bicycling, or working out at the gym. These are things I do for myself. What about more personal things such as religious beliefs or politics? Being selfish with things like that means treating them with a certain degree of sanctity. Along with the subject of sex, those subjects remain off limits for discussion in polite society. That, too, is positive selfishness. What one values the most, one will be selfish about.

If one is to survive in the real world, then one must be selfish, live for oneself, never according to the whims of others. Even if someone tells me "You need to be less selfish!" I will counter them with "If I don't do this for myself, then are you going to do it for me?" Ten times out of ten that person will say "No!" I know because I have been down that road before.

I am selfishness with being childfree. I have had people tell me "You should have children!" I counter them with "If I have a child, will you feed, raise, educate that child using your own money?" That shuts up the person pretty fast. Two decades ago when I worked full time and made good money in my early 20's I would have people telling me "You should go to college. Education is important." I would counter them with 'if I go to college will you pay for my education?" That shut them up really fast!

I am selfish with my religious beliefs (which are not Christian; I am a religious minority). Yes, I have had others attempt to convert me to their religion but without any success. I am selfish with my politics. I cannot be converted to another person's political ideology.

Being selfish, therefore, means being in charge of your life, not allowing others to be in charge of your life which can bring about unpleasant results and destruction to your own life. Yes, I am proud to be selfish and in charge of my own life.

For further reading:

"The Virtue of Selfishness", Ayn Rand

"The Art of Selfishness", David Seabury

"How to Prevent Psychic Blackmail", Leo Martello