It's Harder to Let Go of the Things You Never Had

How do you let go of the things you never had? The life you never lived? The places you've never been? The people you never met?

I find myself standing at the crossroads of my life. As I turn around I see the past behind me. The path that led me here is broken and shatters out into a thousand tiny paths. I see the choices I have made and the bumps in the road I have overcome. But, something haunts me as I look ahead into the future. My human nature causes me to question the path I have taken. I am now married with a three year old son and I live in a small community. I never went away to a four-year college like most of my friends. I missed out on the experiences of the dorm life and walking across campus to get to my next class. Instead I chose a two year school, so I could be close to home and also to avoid a large debt. I did graduate with an Associate's degree in Business. My degree has served me well and I now work in Insurance Sales for a very reputable company in my small town.

There was a time when I had to make a choice. I was going to go to Purdue for Chemical Engineering, which is a far cry from what I am doing now. My senior year of highschool my 2 year relationship with my boyfriend ended as he went off to a 4-year college of his own. I had the choice to venture out and embrace being single, but I lived in fear and stayed close to home. I did meet someone that could have been a potential mate, but then again I lived in fear. We became very close friends. I could not risk rejection again and my former boyfriend and I started dating again. Those were troubled times for me. Now I am married to my ex boyfriend from highschool. Where would I have ended up if I would have taken the other road? Is it wrong to sit back and reflect on these things?

I missed out on what could have been a wonderful relationship with my best guy friend because I was comfortable in my position. More than anything I was afraid to make the wrong decision, so I never moved. We become complacent when things grow familiar and comfortable. Don't get me wrong I love my husband and I love my life...but what if? Every choice that we make has a consequence, every path that we take leads us to our destiny. I am not saying that our paths are already chosen for us, but that we make our own choices and live with the outcome. In the end it is harder to let go of the things you never had, because there is nothing to hold on to. Often, the road less traveled is the hardest.