It's the Little Things

Having been denied the gift of gab from birth, I often find myself in positions where I must simply sit and listen. I've come to grips with my speechlessness, and in turn have learned how useful my ears can be.

Take for instance my lunch a few days ago. Let me preface this story by saying that the company where I am currently employed strives for lameness by denying me and my coworkers the opportunity to eat lunch together, so inevitably I am forced to eat alone day after day.

Anyway, I drove to a nearby Mexican restaurant, which happens to serve a delightful lunch special, and proceeded to entertain myself with my iTouch. After becoming bored through my inability to top 35,000 points at Bejeweled, I grew anxious at my booth and began to listen to the conversations of the middle-aged, middle-class folks seated throughout the fajita-filled room. From prostate exams to plumbing problems, the words that hit my eardrums could only be categorized as humorous.

My $4.95 "Speedy Gonzalez" finally arrived as my basket of semi-stale corn chips diminished to nothing more than a crumb pile. The following 15 minutes led me to the decision that God has a wonderful sense of humor due entirely to the lady at table #9. What transpired was a one-sided conversation with her coworker about her dog's daily routine. From taking a dump at dawn to milkbones at dusk, this pet-friendly nut job preached a puppy play-by-play to the open ears of the man across the table for a quarter of an hour.

In a moment between my suppressed giggles, I pondered in the deepest recesses of my mind the interest (or lack thereof) of this poor, helpless man. I thought, "How is it possible to listen to something that ridiculous without breaking into laughter or hurling your semi-digested chimichanga all over your freshly pressed Chinos?" Then it came to me: this dude is working his magic. It was love at first sight. She loves dogs and he once had a neighbor as a child whose dog mauled his favorite G.I. Joe. She loves to talk and he loves to pretend to listen. The electricity between the two was astounding to say the least.

I'm sure they'll be happy with their 4 dogs and weekly psychiatric evaluations. Oh, and I can't forget long walks together through the backyard, the moon beaming down on their faces as they decide who's turn it is to heave the mounds of crap with the Pooper Scooper. I wish them the best.

So as you sit alone with nothing but your thoughts and a gordita, just remember: It's the little things.