It's Not the Computer It's You :Third Installment

The list of stupid things people asked me while I worked for ABC internet just keeps going on and on. Oh yes, and just in case you haven't figured it out, ABC internet is not the real name of the company I worked for... idiots.

Call 4: What am I, a magical computer elf?

Me: ABC Computer Internet help desk, can I have your phone number starting with area code ...(verify information)... So, what seems to be the problem?

Customer: I'm not sure if it's really a problem, I just want to know how to get on the internet. I just got a new computer. Well, it's not really new. I got it from a friend of mine but it's new to me.

Me: That's fine. So you want me to help you get the internet set up on it?

Customer: That would be nice. Oh wait, but I don't have a phone cord yet so I guess that means you can't do anything.

Me: That's okay, we can enter in all the settings and then you can get a phone cord later.

Customer: Oh, okay. Pause... So, are you done doing it yet?

Me: What? No, we haven't even begun yet. The first thing I need to know is what kind of computer you're using.

Customer: It's a windows machine.

Me: Okay. Can you click on start and then click on...

Customer: No I can't. Can't you just do it from your end?

Me: No, that's not how this works. I tell you how to do it, I can't access your computer from here especially since even if that was something we provided you would have to get online first and that's what you want help with.

Customer: Oh, okay.

Me: So, can you click on start then?

Customer: No.

Me: Why not?

Customer: It's not there.

Me: It's not on the screen?

Customer: Correct.

Me: Okay then, what is on the screen?

Customer: Nothing. It's just black.

Me: Is the computer turned on?

Customer: No, I can't turn it on because the battery isn't charged up yet.

Me: So the computer doesn't turn on and you have no phone cord but you figured I could set up the internet remotely even though you need the internet to connect to another computer?

Customer: Well, it sounds kind of silly when you say it like that.

Call 5: What did you just call it?

Me: ABC Computer Internet help desk, can I have your phone number starting with area code ...(verify information)... So, what seems to be the problem?

Customer: Nothing is showing up on the television.

Me: There is nothing on TV? You do know that you're talking to the internet help desk, right?

Customer: Yeah. I'm trying to use my computer but nothing is showing up on my computer's TV.

It takes a second but I quickly realize the customer is referring to the computer's monitor.

Me: Oh, so nothing is showing up on the monitor?

Customer: Exactly! When I push the buttons on the typewriter nothing shows up on the television.

Me: Alright, can I put you on hold for a moment?

Customer: Go ahead.