It's Okay to Get Mad

Some people have difficulty expressing anger. These individuals often grew up in families where expressing anger resulted in dire circumstances: punishment, physical abuse, and physical or emotional abandonment. Sometimes the stakes for unhealthy expression of anger can be loss of a job, end of a relationships, criminal charges or even loss of life. Anger can have healthy or unhealthy expression. Some people bottle up anger until they explode while others cut their nose off to spite their face. Anger expressed in and unhealthy manner can be very destructive. Anger is especially damaging when it is pent up or denied. Hurting people, hurt people.

Some warning signs that anger may have an unhealthy impact on you life:

1. Frequent irritation over other's incompetence or foolishness.

2. Intolerance to others differences or others making mistakes.

3. Frequently believing that others want to cheat you, are out to get you

or cause you harm.

4. Recurrent anger with other's errors, especially while you are driving.

5. Believing it's that expressing anger is bad or a sign of weakness.

6. Believing it's always best to turn the other cheek.

7. Recurrent anger, (resentment) over the same situation.

8. Anytime there is physical or very aggression or attack.

9. Anytime there is property damage.

10. Frequently using socially inappropriate language.

Actually anger is a survival tool. Primitive man survived by his fight or flight instincts. People don't just "go postal." Anger is nature's built-in physical response to danger. Anger is just a signal that something needs to change.

The next time you find yourself getting angry ask yourself some questions that may reduce your hostility: Is worth the time and energy to get angry? Is the anger justified? What will be the result of an angry outburst? If you can work through these answers and decide that the anger is not worth the energy or the cost, just take a chill pill! It's okay to do nothing. You are not a robot that needs to respond every time someone pushes your buttons! Look for signals that it is time to discuss the problem. Often it is better to come back to the problem when your rage subsides.

Realize that you don't always have to be pleasant. There are some ways to express your anger without causing injury or offense. Remember that you can be assertive instead of aggressive. "You should" always puts the other person on the defensive. Put downs and name-calling are signals of aggression. Just take some long deep breaths and wait until you've cooled down and weighted your options.

The opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is indifference. You will have time when those close to you make you angry. Share your anger in "I statements" and avoid being accusatory. Failure to share your feelings is a sign of indifference and can be very destructive to your relationship. Those that really care about you will care about your feelings. You do not have to be that same little child responding to that inadequate parent. Don't project the past into the future or imagine the worse case scenario. Catastrophizing exaggerates the consequences until you are too paralyzed to take a risk.

Stay focused. Don't "gunny sack." Make sure you are focused on this problem and not the past twenty times you have been hurt. "Never and always" signal overgeneralizations. Don't blow the problem out of proportion!

Don't deny or loose touch with your anger. When people suppress or deny anger it results in are large amounts physiological distress. Suppressed anger impacts the immune system, the central nervous system, and cerebral cortex. Anger produces norepinephrine and is linked to increases in depression. Anger has also been connected to studies in opportunistic infections. It's not just mental health that is effected. It's what eating away at you that may be linked to the cancer that eats away the body. If you or a loved one have a problem with anger you should seek professional help

Don't play the "Great American Guessing Game." Guess what's wrong with me or mind reading games of "I know what you're thinking" do not lead to honest expression. These are the magical thoughts of someone who is emotionally two years old. The inadequate parent may have reinforced this behavior, but if you don't have to continue this game. Change the response and you may change the outcome!

Anger is the catalyst for change. It can propel us forward. So if you are mad, get glad! You are ready for change.