It's a Pirates Life for Me

So you want to be a pirate, or perhaps you just can't get that dastardly good looking Johnny Depp out of your head. Either way, after this article you will be well upon your way to drinking rum and swearing with the best of them. First things first, don't join the Navy! I speak from experience and I will tell ya they do not serve rum, you won't be boarding enemy ships, port calls are scarce, and they make you dress the same as everyone else, which is very unpirate-like and the uniform doesn't include eye patches of any sorts.

While pirates have often worked for governments through secret contracts attacking enemy ships it would be sacrilegious for you to sign away your free spirits and join in with the ranks. Now the next thing you're going to need is a vessel and a crew depending upon the size of your maiden ship. If you live in a desert like climate or isolated from the ocean or large bodies of water then I suggest ye move or else you're going to need lots of rum, a sand box, and a trusty old row boat. However I do not advise in having your shipmates drag you around in your dinghy behind their '87 El Camino. Finding a good ship can almost be just as hard as finding a good crew, but in the case of pirates all you really need is a safe sea-able vessel and a couple of your scurviest amigos and if they have scurvy its even better. The Internet and newspapers are good places to start when searching for a boat and if you are the handyman type then there are several companies which offer kits to build your own sailboats that house crews usually up to four or five.

Now that you have a vessel you're going to need provisions and that means lots of rum. The quality of a captain can often be linked to the quality of the rum in which said captain provides his crew. Give the crew cheap or salty rum and you may fine yourself in the midst of a mutiny. Heaven forbid you run out of the sweet nectar of the gods and you could very well find yourself at the end of the plank. For the standard gang of pirates I would recommend the standard in rum, Captain Morgan, but should you and your crew have more refined tastes then Pyrat Planters XO Rum is a most excellent choice and if your sailing with the types that will drink anything that resembles gasoline the Monarch Rum is cheap and well always get the job done.

Rum may very well be the most important artifact for any pirate but it's definitely not the only item to remember. You wouldn't want to go sailing in your suits and ties nor anything out of the spring section in the Nordstrom's catalog. If you are going for the "Johnny Depp" look then I recommend any of hundreds of websites dedicated to pirate clothing on-line, but for the modern day pirate some old khaki shorts and some old T-Shirts you might otherwise have used for changing the oil will work like a charm. Unless you plan on sticking your hand down the garbage disposal anytime soon the hook hands and peg legs are outdated and not very effective, but if you have decent vision then the always classic eye patch is a good accessory. The more tattoos and piercing you and your crew have that are visible the better, just make sure dear old mom doesn't catch sight of them.

Once you have found yourself dressed the part it will be time to arm yourself. As a rule of thumb all pirates should arm themselves to the teeth, after-all you never know what kind of people you could encounter on the high seas. Unless you anticipate raiding armed naval vessels or venturing into Chinese waters then swords and knives are the most traditional choices, a ball and black powder pistol is also fun and affordable. A good rule for most vessels is that when the rum comes out the weapons go in. A chest with a lock is always good to have around especially if the crew has a heavy lust for the grog or you have wee pirates about. Should the notion arise upon you and your crew to raid a vessel or small island...don't...this will most certainly end in death or an iron rot cell, unless of course you have no intentions in returning to modern day society, then by all means. Ship, attire, weaponry and rum are all essential items for the pirate and will help in your voyage.

The last element to any good adventure is well the adventure. While some are content in going out to sea for the weekend and making a case full of rum disappear others requires something of more substance. Thus having a map and a good idea of what you and your crew would like to accomplish is vital. Many pirate enthusiasts find great pleasure in flying the Jolly Roger and having mock battles out on the lake with other neighboring crews, while some crews go in exploration of nearby isles and ports. I for one enjoy sailing at night with the stars and a good bottle of homemade rum as my companion watching the moon reflect of the black seas. Just remember that a pirate's life is full of adventure and letting ones spirit and imagination take the wheel. Smooth sailings and may your rum supply never run dry. Aaargh!