It's Time to Change Your Oil! - A Guide to Changing Your Oil

Ah, the oil change. A vital part of owning and maintaining a proper automobile. Unfortunately, it's a dying art, cast aside by the common man in favor of MBAs and bachelor degrees. This of course comes at a price, so why not save a few bucks and learn to do it yourself? Besides, it'll be fun, right? Who doesn't want to get pull out a drink after a manly activity like that and ponder life, the universe, and whether or not that engine will fall apart on the way to work tomorrow? Never fear, though, because I intend to provide a thoughtful, well explained and thorough guide to changing your oil.

Ok, the first step in an endeavor in life is preparation and planning. So, find out where the oil drain plug is underneath the car, as well as where to put the oil back in. Both of these are usually shown in the owners manual but if not the Internet surely will show you. They aren't that difficult to identify, they are rather obvious actually, but it's better safe than sorry. Now, once you have located these two components, go look for a wrench that will fit the oil drain plug, for removal later. Got it? Good. Now, look up the recommended oil for your car, again in the manual or on the Internet. If that's not available, 10W - 40 is a good one to use. The last thing to look for is the oil filter. It is recommended that you replace it when you change the oil so you need to look up what kind to get or if you need to order one or something like that. So, now we need a list of things to buy at wal-mart!

List:
1. A Large pan, depending on the size of your engine about three quarts. I found a black plastic one that works well for a few bucks
2. A funnel of some sort. The a good wide opening is necessary, but not so big it won't fit in the engine compartment
3. Rags. Several of them. Maybe some latex gloves as well, since your hands will get dirty.
4. The oil. Your manual will detail how much, but usually three or more quarts is good. I prefer a name brand, like Castrol or Valvoline. Not quaker state or off brand though. There is much debate over whether to go synthetic or not, I don't think it matters too much, just go with the cheapest. Just remember, when in doubt, look at the manual.
5. An oil filter. You need some sort of guide to tell help you on this one if you don't have a manual, they usually have one there or a guy can help you.
6. An oil filter wrench. This is that bar with the chain hanging off it, used to remove the oil filter and get it back on.

Alright! We're got everything we need, sorted out nicely next to the car. Now, if you can't fit under the car, jack it up and put it on some kind of thing MEANT for holding a car up. DO NOT USE JUST THE JACK. In fact, if you can, don't jack it up or lift it at all. You only need to be able to unscrew one bolt. Ok, locate the screw and place the pan directly beneath it. Now start unscrewing the drainage bolt. This thing WILL fall out into the pan so it is necessary to devise a plan on how to best get it. One option is keeping a hand under it as you are unscrewing it, basically just catching it before it gets in the pan. You can also let it drop into the pan and try and retrieve it right away or after it has finished draining. It is best to get it right away or try and catch it, however you will get dirty because that oil comes out fast.

Ok, now that you have the bolt and the black, nasty oil is draining out of your ride, you can relax. Black oil is good, it means it's collecting all the metal shavings and gunk your engine makes it and moving it away from the important stuff. If it's straw colored that means the oil sucks. The oil will drain out all month if you let it, it's so syrupy, but most of it will be gone in fifteen to thirty minutes. Clean up the bolt a little bit and replace it when you're ready. Don't worry about the still draining oil, just clean it up. Now, locate the oil filter and SLOWLY AND CAREFULLY move the pan underneath it as well. Now, to use the oil wrench, wrap the chain around the filter and pull tight. You should have to orient it in a way so that when you turn it to loosen the oil filter, the chain will tighten up against it. Don't worry, it's very intuitive and easy to use. If it doesn't fit, you should find another way to get it off, with brute hand force or maybe a similar contraption with a rubber belt instead of a chain, used to remove jar lids. It's slightly smaller but also harder to get a good grip on.

Catch the oil filter before it falls into the oil and let some more oil drain out. While you are doing that, get the new one out. Rub some of the old oil on the rim of the new filter then screw it in. Not too tight but more than hand tight. you are now ready to put the new oil in. Make sure everything is tightened then move the pan out of the way and get the funnel and the new oil out. Pull out the oil check stick/cap, and place it somewhere where it won't get dirty, then place the funnel in the hole. My father taught me to pour the oil in so that the flat part of the oil bottle was up, and the slanted part was down, but it doesn't really matter. New oil is supposed to be golden colored. Pour in however much you're supposed to, making sure not to overflow. Once it is all in, carefully remove the funnel the put the dipstick back in. Screw it all the way in then pull it out. Check to see that the oil level isn't too high or too low, but high is better because when you run the engine the oil will seep into the engine and lower the level on the dipstick. If all's well the start the engine and let it run for ten minutes to get it all lubed up in there. Then check the level again, adding oil if necessary.

Congratulations! You've just changed a car's oil! Don't you feel cool? Well, all that's left now is dispensing of the oil and the filter. Pour the oil into the oil bottles that you just emptied using the funnel then take them to some place like wal-mart. It usually takes your used oil and filter for free or a small fee. Now go ride the car around making sure there's no problems. Good job.