Jacob and Esau

The two brothers were enemies at first. Now they are friends. Then Joseph came along once Jacob was finally home. This is where one trouble with going home and his brother Esau end and a new one with Jacob's children and Joseph begin. I have learned before that things in life happen both good and bad. There is, however, an end to the storm. I am happy that my storm has ended for now. Next time it comes, I will remember what I learned. Of course, after I stopped troubles with work and struggled to keep God in focus with my clashing schedules, I had two questions left. I dare not ask them because I gained direction in one thing, and I approached the most important of questions last night after my history final. God worked it out so that I couldn't avoid such the question. I feel so much better now that I have put out both questions, and I am still waiting for an answer to the question, but this time, I am patient. In fact, I am just looking for whatever God wills, so I am not even anxious for answers to the questions I have ask. This is different for me, but I am now more confident than ever. I don't understand what clicked, but I think it was after I read about Jacob returning home even fearing his brother, and then he saw that things were different and his fear was unfounded. God changes people, and I need not worry about what another person's actions are anymore. If I treat others right, and I am honest and open, then I am sure everything will be fine. I have been honest, I have tried to treat people right, I have been open, but I have wondered secretly about the intentions of others. I did not spread rumors about people though. However, inside, whenever I had felt failed or disappointed I would feel personal pain and hurt. I did not share it, but when I ran into trouble I was reluctant to ask for anything from anyone, for I rationalized that no one would care to help. I do not believe this anymore. I believe that people generally have all intentions to help and do right, but they have different circumstances that may cause them to be rendered unavailable. I will not believe anything else. I don't care if there are people who intentionally want to cause me trouble such as some worldly people I know. As long as I stand strong on Christ, God will judge the condition of a man's heart. My job is to continue to love my brothers, friends, authorities, and enemies. I refuse to let others define my behavior, and I refuse to be distrustful of others. If someone fails me when they give their word, then I will approach that person with wisdom, and I will not hold it against everyone else. I have done well at trying to show people love and respect, but I have just recently learned to just trust in God that ALL things are under His control. There is a difference between knowing and truly understanding. I have survived, I will not be anyone's fool, but I will not be untrusting of my friends. I will, however, listen and respond accordingly as scripture says, and I shall forgive my brother as many times as it takes. I shall also not look down on myself when I am done wrong. It is not always my fault that bad things happen to me and I need to realize that more than anything because I always made excuses when others were confused and caused me trouble. I never really considered that maybe it was them who was confused. All my life I have been blamed for the actions of others. Someone would steal, and I was the one blamed for it. A person and his friends would attack me, and God will give me the strength to physically overcome them all, but I was told that I was bullying them. I never saw one man bully an entire classroom. I thought maybe I did something wrong for them to attack me. I refuse to blame myself when others in the world attack me. There are more things, but if anyone understood how much I have been through, then they would know why it was hard for me to be trustful of people. I am sure my mom remembers some of the racial things I went through at ST. Lukes. I have been through so much from racism, hate, persecution, being the new kid, moving, family separation, physical pain of many types, fights, sports competitions, academic stresses, deployments, military career and lifestyle, life changing injuries, busy schedules, relationship issues, accidents (one that put me in the hospital), very bad sicknesses, financial struggles, tests, trials, temptations, and the list goes on. I felt old, but now that I have finished on top and I have gained new confidence in Christ, I feel young, and I am ready to take on anything with Christ. Joseph, Job, David, Paul, Peter, John, Timothy, Jacob, Abraham, and all of the soldiers of God have been hardened in battle and made strong. I have simply adopted the struggles of Jesus Christ as did the men of God before. I believe that I am meant for something greater than myself through Christ. I am ready God for your will in my life. You have great things planned for me, and even if it takes 1000 years for you to bring them to past, I will have faith in them. The devil attacks those who are a threat, and I refuse to falter my faith in God. In fact, I choose to depend on God more. I stand in the rain and learn from the sadness and depression of the other men of God. I will have a good attitude, but I shall remain humble, praise God.