James Bond is Back or Why My Girlfriend is Going to Hate Me November 17th

I have a confession to make. I'm not what you would call a manly man. I openly admit that I can barely follow a football game, I hate beer (and love sissy foo foo drinks with umbrellas in them), I spent way too much time worrying about my hair, I know absolutely nothing about cars except for how to make them go and if someone tried to challenge me to a fight I would have my butt handed back to me very neatly.

I'm not complaining mind you. I'm perfectly ok with how I am and I'm also very lucky to have a beautiful girlfriend who likes me the way I am too. The reason why I'm telling you this though is so that I can segway into another confession: on November 17^th, my personality is going to go undergo a massive change.

On November 17^th, my testosterone is going to start pumping more than it has in years. I'm going to start drinking martinis, wear tuxedos for absolutely no reason and say very cheesy lines to my girlfriend in a very bad British accent in hopes that she will swoon. I can say this with absolute certainty because this is what happens every time a new James Bond movie comes out.

While I'm not your atypical manly man, my biggest guilty pleasure is the mindless entertainment of a James Bond spy flick for multiple reasons really. The first one is that James Bond is the definition of smooth. This is a man who just exudes charisma out of every pore in his body (which might I add, always look clear no matter how dirty his surroundings) and to go with this charisma is his stunning sense of humor. How can you not like a guy who refuses to kill a guy without some kind of clever saying? A great example of this was Pierce Brosnan in 'Tomorrow Never Dies' when he knocks the guy into the printing press, looks over and very casually says 'They're print anything these days.' Come on! Tell me that wasn't clever??

The second thing that I love about every Bond flick is his gadgets. I know it's a pretty cliché reason to love Bond movies but at least I didn't say that it was his car. The one thing that I love most about his gadgets though is that no matter how absurd the invention presented to him, Bond always ends up in a situation where he needs that exact item. Though I have to admit that ever since I've been old enough to truly appreciate Bond's gadgets though there is one thing that I've always wanted to see happen in a Bond movie.

The scene opens with Bond in the headquarters of Q and after all the playful banter, Q leaves the room and Bond looks down at one of the gadgets and says 'When could I possibly need this?' and tosses it away. Later on in the film, Bond finds himself in one his classic fight scenes. He's pinned down under enemy fire and he's racking his brain trying to figure out what to do when he remembers that wonderful invention. He starts scrambling to find the pocket that he stuck it in before realizing that it was the item that he decided to discard. Camera cuts to a close up of Bond's face muttering 'Bollocks.'

I think the last thing that I've always loved about Bond films is the same thing that every guy loves about Bond films in that he always gets the girl. Doesn't matter what happens or what he does, he gets the girl in the end. How this guy hasn't contracted every social disease known to man by now is beyond me but that's just how he rolls. Once again though, you have to admit that it would be great to see a twist in one of the films though. Closing scene, Bond has saved the world once again and he's having a fabulous dinner with his latest Bond girl. He's putting all his moves on her and she appears to be falling for each and every one of them. He is so in! Then he leans in for his big kiss and she leans back and says 'Whoa James, what are you doing?' Bond is obviously confused and answers with 'Well I'm James Bond, I always get the girl.' To which the movie closes with 'How did you not pick up on the fact that I'm a lesbian?' Now that's a Bond ending that I could laugh about until I died.

With the latest film, Daniel Craig will be taking over for Pierce Brosnan for the 21^st movie in the franchise and naturally this has already sparked the debate that will never be finished: Who did the best Bond? Naturally there are many schools of thought and since I am rather young, I have to admit that I believe Brosnan to be the best simply because I felt his movies were the best of the series. They were the most fun but I could also very much see that on pure sex appeal alone, Connery could have this debate won.

Connery is one of those weird sorts though. As a young actor, I never saw much sex appeal in him but now that he's much older, I have to admit that this is a guy who has aged quite nicely and what woman wouldn't fall for that deep Scottish accent? Connery possesses the rare gift of being able to say anything he wants to a woman and she's his. With his accent he could quite literally walk up to any woman in a bar and say something like 'My balls are very sweaty' and he'd still get laid! Now that's a man to admire!

No matter what though, my girlfriend already knows that this year November 17^th is going to be a big day for me. It'll be the first time she'll me in full Bond mode and I can only hope that she doesn't laugh too hard at me when I ask her for a martini 'shaken, not stirred.'