James Brown to Sing at Anna Nicole Smith Funeral!

According to reliable sources close to the family of Anna Nicole Smith, James Brown will perform during the upcoming funeral services for the actress. The on-again, off-again burial is now tentatively scheduled for the morning of Friday, March 2^nd, 2007.

The festivities surrounding the impending burial of Smith include pink roses, a pink burial gown, and pink anything to be drank, smoked, snorted or otherwise consumed during the funeral services. But, irrespective of the media attention focused on her death, the three-ring circus over who gets custody of Dannielynne "million dollar baby" Smith, or the amount of hot air released by the most lawyers gathered inside a courtroom since the OJ Simpson trial, the identity of the "mystery guest performer" had been a closely held secret.

According to a spokesman for the rapidly increasing number of men who have come forward claiming to be the father of Smith's 5 month-old daughter, the selection of Brown was a "no brainer."

"When Anna goes into the ground, James Brown will be the undisputed winner of this year's 'Dead Celebrity Kept Lying Around for No Obvious Reason' competition" said Alleged Husband #1275.

Brown, who died in the early morning hours of Christmas, 2006, had built up a substantial lead that eventually proved to be unbeatable.

"We think that it shows true sportsmanship for the Brown family to have James attend Anna's funeral" he added.

Although Smith's funeral will be costly, it is expected to fall far short of the reported $150,000 tab for Brown's Augusta, GA funeral.

"If we had more time to prepare, things would be different. As it is now, the souvenir sellers will have a tight deadline to meet. And it's even tighter for ticket sales."