Jamie Lynn Spears Top 10 New Year's Resolutions

Not too many 16-year-olds (well, ones with common sense) can say they are the star of a hit TV show and a soon-to-be mother. Jamie Lynn Spears, sister of Britney, can say both. It's not something one can look upon with pride, but it is what it is and in the Spears household, it's apparently okay to do whatever you want.

10. Less money. If the Spears clan had it their way, they could shop at Target, eat hot dogs and Cheetos all day and fart at the dinner table. Having less money would make that kind of life easier. And I'm sure millions of people already living that lifestyle would love to trade places. Then Jamie Lynn could hide in obscurity forever and live with her boyfriend happily ever after.

9. Garbage cans. Hopefully Jamie Lynn's a better mother than her sister Britney. There were reports that Britney's house was a pig sty, littered with old diapers and the like. They have these things called garbage cans that work wonders for any diaper problem one may have.

8. Baby powder. it's not such a good idea to leave this type of thing around Brit Brit, since she's been known to have an affinity for white powder. But it is a good idea to wipe this stuff on the baby's butt, since the Spears' clan obviously has a hankerin' fer fast food. And nothing goes down and comes out faster than a Jalapeno burger at Carl's Jr., especially if you're a baby. Because this baby will need to become accustomed to the law of the land.

7. A running stroller. If Jamie Lynn has seen pictures of her sister it's obvious that she'll need to watch her weight. While it's true that the Spears clan seems to be more fertile than the Red River valley and the Mississippi River delta combined, you can also bank on the fact that Jamie Lynn will be as big as the Goodyear blimp. Therefore it's time for her to think seriously about jogging. It's good for you, I think, and only a few thousand have ever had heart problems while running. This is if she doesn't have a C-section.

6. Religion. There are reports that Jamie Lynn is a devout Christian, however, with the amount of stress she's under I'd like to recommend something more low-key, like Buddhism. I'd say Scientology since that seems to be the religion of choice for Hollywood, but we've all seen Tom Cruise and John Travolta. Besides, she'll need to meditate often to escape the clutches of her fame whore sister and the hordes of paparazzi who will be climbing through windows and over 20-foot walls to get pictures.

5. Taser gun. I know you think I don't know what I'm talking about (and frankly, I don't) but how would you like if it you had paparazzi in your backyard while you were in your tank top and shorts trying to have alone time? A Taser gun would solve most of her problems and double the distance the paps had to be from that last restraining order they got.

4. Perez Hilton. I know what you're thinking. He doesn't play on her team. This I know, but nobody is better at detecting fashion trends and being a shoulder to cry on (as long as you don't have a picture that he can Photoshop) than Perez. And it would deflect some of the attention from her onto him, especially if they were caught kissing. That would create a national spectacle. I thought about Bobby Brown too, but he would have had her walking the streets in about six months.

3. Britney in rehab. (Again.) This goes without saying. If Brit's in rehab, then Jamie Lynn has less to worry about, since the paparazzi would flock to whatever luxury resort Brit was in. The Four Seasons doesn't count and neither does Motel 6. And it would be preferable if Brit were to leave the country.

2. C-section. Though it's possible that the area down there is already large enough to birth a whale, it's also likely that it may not be. Perhaps she didn't follow in her sister's footsteps and she didn't date Lil' Romeo (Oh, wait, she already is doing that) and she didn't have premarital sex. And monkeys might fly out of her butt, too! But what will come out of her stomach is the baby.

1. A father. Will Casey Whatshisname marry her? Will he be a man and stand up to the plate and take one for the team (be forced to marry Jamie Lynn)? He won't be the first guy to do this and he definitely won't be the last idiot, um, person to do it. But he'll probably just appear on some talk shows, write a tell-all book detailing when he got his 15 minutes of fame and take care of the baby.

After all, it runs in the family. Jamie Lynn knows this and is probably freaking out. But these 10 things just might help save her from insanity.