Jealousy and Relationships

You have reached that point in your relationship when everything seems to be going smoothly. Everything with your new man, including sex, is breathtakingly perfect he makes you laugh, he is kind to your family and he is punctual or endearingly late, until you see him looking at another women, not like he would a stranger but like he would with someone he's known intimately then the light flickers on, it's her - the dreaded ex-girlfriend. She may be sexy, earthy or even a little gothic but immediately you see in her eyes what she and you know - the intimate details of him.

You know you should not let your mind wonder, but you do anyway. Did he put his hand in the small of her back like he was doing to you right in this instant - steering you toward her. Given a man's habits he most likely did and it dawns on you she felt the warmth of his touch before you. What was new to you was familiar to her. You can't help but ask yourself, was he as passionate with her, did she make him laugh as hard, was she a better cook, what if she were wittier or smarter or prettier and the list mentally grows.

What is it about this mysterious female that can make a normally confident woman an insecure mess? Maybe it is our own guarded past relationship secrets. Would the current flame really want to know that you served the exact same breakfast on the exact same antique serving tray to your musician ex? Oh my ....what if he sang, "Addicted To Love", after their first lovemaking session with her as well as you?

"Jealousy is as important as trust in keeping couples together" says Dr. David Buss in the book The Dangerous Passion: Why Jealousy is as Necessary as Love and Sex. So is that what we are doing when we silently wish that the ex would fall of the planet? Dr. Buss goes on to iterate, "To counteract the desire to stray - and to strengthen the bond between partners - jealousy evolved as an early detection system of infidelity."

BINGO there it is thanks to good ole Dr. Buss we can all relax and know that primal need to push her into traffic is not the failings of your confidence or your trust in your partner but an early evolutionary detection system for the possibility of infidelity and therefore from a cave woman perspective it is biologically impossible to not feel a tinge of jealous insecurity toward the woman who possibly gave him his first.....well maybe best not to go there.

In the meantime as he guides you ever closer to his ex breathe deeply paste a genuine smile onto your gorgeous lips and remember to smile not only with your mouth but with your eyes as well, if someone is going to be the least bit intimidated better her than you.