Jennifer Hudson: "Spotlight" on Domestic Violence

Oh, I don't like living under your spotlight, Baby if you treat me right, you won't have to worry"

----- Spotlight, Jennifer Hudson

Ever since I heard the heartbreaking news surrounding Singer/Actress Jennifer Hudson's family, I have been in shock. What this story brings forward is not that Ms. Hudson is a star and that this was not supposed to happen to her, what angers me most is that the senseless murder of her Mother, Brother and apparent disappearance of her nephew (Julian King) from their Chicago home - might be tied to a cycle of Domestic Violence.

In the obscene cycle of Domestic Violence, so many lives are mentally, emotionally and in this case physically "snuffed" out. From the moment (as a woman) I discovered the awful damage that violence in a home can cause, I have often made it a priority to educate both my daughter and son about the generational impact of violence in the home. I don't know about you but I can say that when any individual (male or female) has to be more fearful of going home then leaving it, there is something sick that needs to be treated. I will also go one step further and say that - when the enemy is the one sleeping next to you, it is time to RUN!

Apparently, in the case of Jennifer Hudson's sister Julia - she might have been involved with some sort of Domestic Violence scenario. It seems that after being in the cycle for a "minute" Julia Hudson might have decided to "walk away" from the unhealthy situation. So, I cannot help but summarize that if Julia and by default her mother, brother and son - was courageous to finally say enough is enough, there might have been a coward in her life who needed to and could not let go of their need for control. Control, to this individual might have just resulted in the grief, devastation and broken lives we are now witnessing. Unfortunately, what we might be looking at people is not just another celebrity story - but one which illustrates the pathology of Domestic Violence. In these sort of cases, Control and the desire of the perpetrator to be in the "SPOTLIGHT" is the underlying message behind such acts.

What Is Domestic Violence?

According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, they answered their two(2) millionth call-representing two million families that have reached out for help since 1995. Now, according to The Women's Commission and other advocacy groups, Domestic Violence is defined as follows:

Domestic violence and emotional abuse are behaviors used by one person in a relationship to control the other. Partners may be married or not married; heterosexual, gay, or lesbian; living together, separated or dating.

Examples of abuse include:
• name-calling or putdowns
• keeping a partner from contacting their family or friends
• withholding money
• stopping a partner from getting or keeping a job
• actual or threatened physical harm
• sexual assault
• stalking
• intimidation

Violence can be criminal and includes physical assault (hitting, pushing, shoving, etc.), sexual abuse (unwanted or forced sexual activity), and stalking. Although emotional, psychological and financial abuse are not criminal behaviors, they are forms of abuse and can lead to criminal violence.

The violence takes many forms and can happen all the time or once in a while. An important step to help yourself or someone you know in preventing or stopping violence is recognizing the warning signs.

There is absolutely NO reason for anyone to be treated like a "second-class" citizen. However, the sick part about Domestic Violence is that the person generally performing the abuse was also exposed to or had the role of a victim at some point in their life and got to the point where they needed to feel CONTROL and POWER. Unfortunately, because they never learned healthy ways of dealing or coping with their victimization, anger, etc, they simply continue their vicious cycle and destroy yet more lives.

At a time when Jennifer Hudson's song "Spotlight" is #1 on Billboard charts (coincidentally one of my current favorites), I cannot help but think of the lyrics from that song during this very sad time and wonder if perhaps, it was a silent cry for help or secret message to the man who has now ripped her family apart:

Are you a man who loves

And cherishes

And cares for me?

Is that you? Is that you?

Is that you? yeah...

Are you a guard in a prison

Maximum security?

Is that you? Is that you?

Is that you? yea eh...

Do we stay home all the time

Cuz you want me to yourself?

Is that you? Is that you?

Is that you? yeah...

Or am I locked away

Out of fear that i'd find

Someone else

Is that you? Is that you?

(see chorus above next)

To Julia & Jennifer Hudson, stay strong - and know that this will never be okay. All you can do is stay focused in faith and continue the fight so that we can all work towards ending the ravages of Domestic Violence.

To anyone reading this, if you or someone you know is caught up in a downward spiral of Domestic Violence, please seek help because it can only get worse! Do it for YOURSELF, your family, friends and the next generations, Call 1-800-799-SAFE - I DID!!!