Jerry and the Piggyectomy

My late brother in law Louis had the distinction of being almost the only member of my wife's family that I could tolerate. Indeed no tolerance was necessary since he was always completely lovable and charismatic. To this day the rest of them...... well let's talk about something more pleasant ok? Louis was a naturally funny man and he was also super smart and owned an elevator service company. He could do anything electrically or mechanically and when younger was completely in love with motorcycles and the repair and riding of them. He was a teen back in the nineteen fifties and had a Harley-Davidson, a leather jacket, heavy leather boots and the whole aura going on, the whole Marlon Brando thing. Louis and his riding buddies were not the terminator sort of tough guys, just the ride around and aggravate the devil out of everyone sort. He told the following story, and punctuated it with healthy amounts of intermittent laughter.

Louis and two or three of his pals were out riding their hogs one day and generally enjoying themselves. One of the guys, Jerry, had just gotten a used Indian motorcycle and was basking in the mobile activity. It was a pretty good motorcycle in not to shabby shape, but one flaw was the foot pegs, the ones you rest your boots on while thundering down the highway. Factory foot pegs are hinged and are made to swivel up in case the bike leans over too far and hits something. The original foot pegs had long since been removed either by accident or on purpose, and had been replaced by two long bolts which had been welded directly to the frame. This of course, did not allow them to hinge. They were all riding out west Twelfth Street in Little Rock, a road which was very curvy and hilly. It's still that way more than sixty years after first being paved. In riding a motorcycle the first thing you learn is that you must lean into the curves. It is impossible to negotiate a curve without leaning into it, but if it is raining though you can get pretty close.

They were all roaring along and leaning into one of those sharp curves with Jerry somewhere in the middle of the pack. Jerry's Indian tilted over far enough so that one of the rigid bolt foot pegs hit and dug into the asphalt. The motorcycle and Jerry instantly flew end over end, bouncing and tumbling over the pavement and into the brush at the side of the road. Jerry and his mount landed with an impressive thud and the others squealed to a stop, parked their machines and ran over to take a look at their fallen comrade. Jerry was moaning and groaning, cussing the motorcycle, and was limping around and also complaining loudly about his foot and the pain.

One of the others suggested they go to his house so Jerry could recuperate. "Let's get your bike" somebody said, to which Jerry replied "**#$ no, I don't ever want to see that **#$* thing again"! He rode on the back of another bike to the friend's house where they all went inside to examine his wounds. He was still limping around and whining about the pain, so they decided to take off the boot and examine his foot. The boot came off and was turned upside down and a respectable quantity of blood was poured out along with one of Jerry's toes, which hit the floor and bounced a couple of times. The decision was made to make haste to the nearest medicine man for treatment.

They all mounted up again and headed en masse to the emergency room of St. Vincent Hospital where Jerry was examined, medicated and his foot, now one piggy shy, was sutured up. The little piggy that went to market never made it home again, having been pinched off and damaged beyond further usefulness. He was given antibiotics and pain shots and dismissed with a handful of pills. By that time the wounded biker was felling pretty good with the pain medication kicking in and all, so he wanted to go back to the scene of the piggyectomy, get his Indian and continue riding, so that's what they all did. Louis finished this tale with the same infectious laughter with which it had begun.

No matter how my day was going Louis could always lift my spirits with an tale or story from his vast repertoire of mishaps, accidents and practical jokes.