Jersey Shore Season 3 Episode 1: Deena Disrobes, Snooki & Sammi Heat Things Up

Jersey Shore, featuring the likes of The Situation, Sammi the Sweetheart, Jwoww and the ever-popular poufy-haired Snooki, returned to a television near you Thursday night with the premiere of its third bleep-i-ful season. Wondering about new-girl Deena, who lost her clothes on day one and which housemates got into a heated cat fight? Read on for the details.

Jersey Shore season 3 opened in Poughkeepsie with Snooki preparing to return to the house. As she loaded her BMW with her stuff, she lamented her decision to wear "hooker boots". What a hoot. She went on to reveal that to replace the twice-booted Angelina, she'd decided to invite her friend Deena to move into the house. Ooh, should be interesting. As they drove, Snooki told Deena about all of the housemates.

Jenni 'Jwoww' was up next, as she and boyfriend Tom packed up her things to leave. She was excited to get away from Long Island and Tom. Er, that always bodes well for a relationship. The scene cut to Pauly in Providence, and then The Situation in Jersey. Then Vinny in Staten Island shared his cute blue shower caddy, which looked oddly like a girly purse.

Ronnie was up next as he made his way to Sammi's house in his own BMW. (What's up with these kids and the BMWs?) And then finally... arrival time at the house. Ronnie and Sammi arrived first and staked a claim on the upstairs bedroom with three beds. Uh, awkward much? They listened nervously as the next housemate made her way up the stairs. Sammi was less than pleased to see Jwoww, and Jenni shared the sentiment, saying she had "no intention" of "patching things up" with the Sweetheart and her beau. Jwoww was mad that the duo took the good room.

Vinny was also disconcerted to see that the couple had taken the room with three beds when he arrived, and opted for a different space. Pauly was also upset by the rooming situation. (So in case you're paying attention, that means no one but Sammi Sweetheart and Ronnie were happy about it. Not a great way to start Jersey Shore season 3.) Then, of course, everyone made fun of Vinny's shower caddy. Of course they did. Duh.

Then... dum da dum! Snooki and Deena arrived. Snooki was pleased with how her friend was received in general, but wasn't so pleased with Sammi's reaction. Sammi stressed that the other three girls in the house were a little group of their own and that she was on her own. Oooh, cat fights in store. Deena, Jwoww and Snooki opted to room together, which made Snooki happy even though she was upset that Sammi and Ronnie had claimed the upstairs bedroom.

Last to arrive was The Situation, who found himself stuck as the third wheel in the Ron and Sammi den of iniquity. Snooki noted that it was "a bad Situation". Har de har har.

Later, the housemates sat down for some chit chat outside. Deena tried to engage Sammi in conversation by asking her where she was from, but the Sweetheart shot her down. Back inside, The Situation asserted that if new roommate Deena "was a holiday, she'd be Thanksgiving because she's got a lot to give". Do we have a Situation brewing? Usually. But man alive, that's one corny line.

While most of the roommates played a stupid drinking game outside, Sammi and Ron chilled in their room, drawing ire from Jwoww for not participating in house activities. Sammi stressed more as they laid alone in their room, and Ron assured her that he'd be there for her no matter what because he's "madly in love" with her. Aw. Meanwhile, the others moved their party to the hot tub, where Vinny came on to Deena, drawing Snooki's ire. Then there was more ridiculousness in the hot tub involving Vinny telling Snooki that he wouldn't hook up with her because he didn't want to hurt her. Uh, yeah. I'm sure that's it.

A rather drunk Deena recruited The Situation's help with finding "her hat", and the two went inside in search of it. After retrieving said cowboy hat, she performed what seemed like a bizaree, drink-induced striptease for Mike, which forced him to ponder: "Does the Situation want to get Situated?" Shortly thereafter, the pair joined the others outside again and Mike shared what had happened. Uh, probably embarrassing.

Upstairs, The Situation shared his bizarre experience with Deena with Sammi and Ron, who deemed the former stupid. Moments later, drunk Deena came in and tried to recruit Mike for some cuddling. He declined, and she took serious issue with Sammi for laughing at her. While heading back downstairs, an upset Deena called Sammi an unflattering name and Mike asserted that Deena was going for the "rookie of the year award" for losing her clothes and getting into it with Sammi on day one in the Jersey Shore house.

But Ron wasn't taking Deena's disparaging words about Sammi lying down: He stormed down the stairs and gave her a piece of his burly mind. The diminutive newbie looked scared, but that didn't stop her from mouthing off. Sammi came downstairs and got in on the action. Sammi likened Deena to a "dirty chihuahua". Snooki got into it next, calling Sammi more than one unflattering name. So serious cat fight number one of Jersey Shore season 3: Sammi versus Snooki. But it didn't end there. Before the final frame, Jwoww jumped in in defense of Snooki and wound up in a full-on girl fight with Sammi.

So that's it for episode 1 of Jersey Shore season 3. Chock full of bad behavior and even worse attitudes. I've watched plenty of reality TV show, and I can honestly say that I don't really understand the allure of this one. Ah well: A hit's a hit. If it's you're kind of entertainment and you're wondering who won the Jwoww versus Sammi showdown, tune in next week to find out. Otherwise... well, at least I saved you the need to watch the season premiere.