Jerseylicious Recap: Why Do We Watch This?

Ok, so I watched Jerseylicious for the first time ever last night, and even though I had heard of the show, I had no idea what it really was. Well, now I do...so why are we watching this again?

The whole time all I could do was wonder what the people of New Jersey could have possibly done to offend God so that he made the Garden State the place where bronzer, D sized breast implants, racing stripe blond highlights, and gray eyeshadow went to die. Do the people of New Jersey actually know they live in an old Drag Queen graveyard? Should we tell them?

I guess the whole show is about a bunch of goils in Joisey that look like Snooki working in a strip mall hair salon run by the other red head in Jersey that is not Caroline Manzo... Gayle, is it? Acting like what they do is somehow important enough to run around spazzing about it all day like they're saving lives or something. Do I have it right so far?

Ok, good. Let's get on with the recap...

This week Anthony (pronounced Ant'ny) became the interim manager of the Gargoyle salon, and he's kind of a goof. But a likable enough guy, I suppose. His big brain child, was to have a guys night at the salon full of the three B's of Babes, Beer and Boobs, after Gayle jumped on her broom and headed back to the coven. Basically, let's buy some Heineken mini-kegs, and have haircuts, right?

Well, in not at all a staged moved by producers, Gayle just happened to forget her dry cleaning on this particular night, and when she returned to the Gargoyle Salon, she saw this meat market orchestrated by Ant'ny in full force. So the flesh melted off her face and she screeched to the moonlight, "Get awl these men and these hoooores outta my classy salon!" spread her bat wings, and took off into the night.

Party's over guys...which is good, cuz that lil' blond oompa loompa with the bouncy boobs...Tangerine, or Alexa or what-evuh, was making a serious fool out of herself trying to land a man dressed up as fat Sharon Stone from Casino.

The other plot of this story was Snooki #3...Gigi and her Guido love bunny Frankie doing Adrienne and Rocky for reality TV. I really think they devoted 2/3 of this show to this crap. It was very cute with Frankie giving his soliloquies of undying love, "Yo Adrienne, I mean, Gigi, yous gotta know that I'm a fighter, and I'm scared." So there were billboards and flowers, cawfee and doughnuts, and all sorts of gag me with a pitchfork romantical things that were supposed to win Gigi back, and they did.

You see the gang all got together at the big Eye-Talian festival in Hoboken where they ate their sausages, the lil' pet Guido, Sancho, tried to impress that Veronica girl with his fake blow up popeye muscles that couldn't even swing a hammer. And finally Frankie professed his undying love for GiGi in front of Our Lady of Jersey basilica and we all wept. All is right in the world when GiGi and Frankie love each other.

For me? I'm still unsure of this show. Snooki 1 and Snooki 2 seem like they would be fun if I could tell them apart and remember their names. But I really expected worse for my first viewing of the show. I guess until next week I'll keep trying to figure out why people actually pay big money to look like that....

So what is the appeal of Jerseylicious? Why do you watch it?