Jesse James is Not Tiger Woods

Jesse James has become what is now known as the "most hated man in America" due to his infidelity. Cheating on Sandra Bullock has made him into something that he thought he was anyway, according to his first public interview.

Many do not believe in the idea of "sex addiction", myself included, but there is something about James' interview that does ring true...self esteem and self perception difficulties.

America has unfortunately allowed infidelity to become more commonplace because we have made it easier for people to cheat on their spouses with no expectation of consequence due to the "no fault" laws put in place for divorce courts. It used to be difficult to get away with infidelity when it came to divorce court because the poor spouse who was cheated on was able to be compensated a bit for their trouble. The "no fault" divorce laws are not much more than a way to cheat and suffer no realistic consequence for doing so.

James verbalized in the interview with Ms. Mabrey (ABC News, Nightline) that he was trying to "sabotage" his own circumstances. I would love to be able to chastise James for the excuses concerning his infidelity but the fact is that some individuals are not capable of allowing themselves a fairy tale when they feel as if they don't deserve it and, unfortunately, this appears to be accurate. James made light of the statement he made regarding the fact that his friends and family have been telling him to get help for years, which sounds like something he should have done. He is known as a "bad boy" and I have heard that he had a tough childhood. The excuse of "I did it because a had a tough childhood" does not impress most of us who did have a traumatic childhood because by the time a child hit's the age of eight or nine our own choices begin to shape our outlook. The reality is that a traumatic childhood does not give us an automatic pass for bad behavior because we still have a choice of what we do as an adult.

It is not necessary to go into the background of Jesse James item by item to understand the self esteem issues that he now faces. A traumatic childhood is no excuse for bad behavior, yet there are residual dilemmas that people deal with after growing up in a bad situation. Self perception can easily become skewed and if a sincere effort is not made to alter the way a person sees themselves there can be incredibly harsh consequences. The same applies to excessively low self esteem, which is not the same thing. Growing up in a bad situation can leave a person with the perception that they have to be subservient to others, allow others to abuse them or do not deserve to be happy, among other things. Most people are not equipped to work these things out by themselves and it is believable that once the "honeymoon" phase of the marriage was over, Jesse James began to convince himself that Bullock would eventually leave so he decided to drive her away on his own terms instead of waiting for her to leave him. It may sound a bit twisted but it is a realistic possibility.

Jesse James has been lumped into the same category as Tiger Woods and that is an extreme misperception. Tiger Woods grew up privileged and believed that he was "entitled" (his own words) to do whatever he pleased, that the rules did not apply to him. Woods has no addiction, instead he has a great chip on his shoulder that finally got knocked off when his privileged life was knocked down a notch or two. Jesse James might have done the same as Tiger Woods but his motives were more of a self destructive nature, while Woods believed he was "entitled".

I am not, by any means, giving Jesse James a free pass for his infidelity which nobody should let him off the hook for. America is enthralled with gossip and the dirty laundry of celebrities, but if we were to be honest with ourselves, we would not be so hell bent on labeling every person as the same. Jesse James did cheat on his wife. The infidelity issues are an issue for James and Bullock...in truth, it is none of our business. Bullock has decided to divorce him and that is her business. Jesse James screwed the pooch, so to speak, and he will pay for it by losing most of what is important to him. The rest of us have no horse in that race.

If Americans really want to beat a celebrity to death for cheating on their spouse, they should stop being hypocritical and make infidelity a "no-no" for everyone.

So many people want to get loud over the idea that we need to save traditional marriage. Those most vocal try to attack the gay community as a scapegoat for threatening traditional marriage. The truth of the matter is that if there were laws on the books to attach financial consequences to infidelity, there would be less harm done to any sort of marriage, straight or gay. The way it stands now, cheating is acceptable, be it celebrity or common man/woman.

We really have no business sticking our nose in someone else's business but if you feel that you just have to have an opinion about another person's cheating husband, at least make an attempt not to judge everyone the same. Judging others is not a particularly good trait to exhibit.