Jewish Law on the Stages and Process of Mourning the Deceased

There are various stages and a long process that the family of a deceased person must go through when the person first dies. The first stage of mourning is called in Hebrew Aninut. This is the most intense stage of mourning and occurs at the moment of a person's death. The immediate family of the deceased must stop all existing activities that they are involved in such as work and begin preparing burial preparations. It is also important to note that the family members of the deceased cannot participate in a minyan of daily prayer because the family members of the deceased cannot say the blessings of the Torah while in mourning. The direct family of mourners includes the spouse, children, siblings and parents. Judaism sees death as the soul's departing from the body in a gradual process. The process of Aninut comes from a quote said by Aaron to Moses when Aaron's child died at a young age.

During this stage people from an organization called the Hevrah Kadesha come to the hospital or area when the person has passed away and they take care of the dead body until it is ready to be buried. The Hevrah Kadesha washes the body physically because the body is supposed to be clean before it is dead. The second important step that they do is the purifying of the body. This happens in two ways. The first way is through a mikvah or holy water bath, there is a special pool for the ritual of cleansing the body of the dead. There is a special contraption designed to lower the body into the water. If there is no mikvah that has been specially set up for the bodies of the dead, then a cup of water can be poured over the person's body in an uninterrupted flow of water. In the Hevrah Kadesha, men treat and clean the body of a man and women treat the body of a woman.

There is a big belief in the Jewish religion to give respect and dignity to the departed souls and to respect their body. During the process that the Hevrah Kadesha does through there is to be no talking as the whole process must be fluid of motion and uninterrupted. All parts of the body of the deceased must be covered. White shrouds called Tachrichim are put on the body of the dead. The sheets are usually made of cotton and sometimes linen. The clothing put on the body of the dead cannot contain any pockets because the dead cannot take anything with them to the next world. A veil is placed over the person's face and pieces of small broken porcelain are placed over the body's eyes and mouth. Porcelain is placed over the face of the body to symbolize the fragility of life.

In special circumstances in which the body suffers from a violent death such as a murder, then the Hevrah Kadesha or people who treat the body do not do much with it in terms of cleaning for fear of causing more damage to the body.

Jewish law prohibits cremation as all of the person's limbs must be buried together underground. The coffin must be made of wood. There can be no metal on the coffin and that include the nails. The nails are usually made of wood. In Israel, some people are buried without a coffin and instead are wrapped in a prayer cloth. It is also customary under Jewish law to carve up the wooden table that a person used when they were alive and use that wood to make the coffin. This is symbolic if a person was a great sage or rabbinic scholar.

Before the person is finally placed in the coffin, dirt from the land of Israel is spread over the person's body in a symbolic gesture of the person going back into the ground and back to God. The belief is that when the messiah comes, every Jew will go to the land of Israel. Some people place small shovels near the body for the resurrection of the dead. Before the coffin is closed, the Hevrah Kadesha or burial person asks forgiveness from the deceased for any harm they may have caused the person during his cleansing process or washing. This also refers back to his concept that the soul is watching their body until it is finally buried.

Under Jewish custom, it is the belief that the soul of the person's body lingers longest at the cemetery where their tombstone is. People place stones on the tombstone as a symbolic gesture that they have visited the person. It is also a symbol of honor for the person that they were revered and loved during their lifetime.

A delicate subject under Jewish law is that some people may not be allowed to be buried in a Jewish cemetery. This includes Jews who intermarry, or commit homicide or suicide.

When the funeral begins, the mother is required to tear a bit of cloth near her heart. This tearing of the cloth is called Keriah as mourners say a blessing over the dead. A tear over the left side of the heart is the mourning of a parent. A tear on the right side is symbolic of the mourning of a different relative. The tearing of cloth in the Sephardic Jewish tradition is usually done when the mourners come home from the funeral.

Under Jewish law it is prohibited for public displays of mourning. This means that the mourners are not supposed to put anything on their clothing that shows that they are in mourning.

The Eulogy at a funeral is an interesting topic under Jewish law. Some communities do not say a eulogy over the dead because there is a fear of humiliating the dead's soul. If nice things are said about the person in the eulogy and they were not really true, then the soul will feel humiliated for not being as nice of a person or as loved as the eulogy said they were. Other Jewish communities do say some kind of eulogy over the deceased.

The Hebrew name for a funeral is called "Leviya." During a funeral Jewish law says that the people attending the funeral of the deceased must travel and walk behind the coffin and continue to walk behind it until the grave site and the person is placed into the Earth. The mourners should not leave the coffin until it is completely covered. It is also customary under Jewish law to cry out the person's name when coffin is being buried into the ground. The mourners also say the words "Lech Bishalom" which means "go in peace."

All mourners except for the person's children should help with the burial of the person. Mourners take a shovel and throw dirt on the coffin. When the dirt is being picked up, the shovel should be held backward because it is symbolic that the mourners do not want to bury the dead but they have to because it is their obligation. When a person is finished throwing dirt on the coffin, the shovel is placed back into the dirt pile facing backwards. Then the next person gets the shovel from the dirt pile and scoops dirt onto the coffin using the shovel's back end. The shovel cannot be passed from person to person because it is also symbolic that the mourners are not enjoying burying the dead.

Once the person has been buried, it is customary under Jewish law to wash your hands in a ritual manner. Once again, the cup used for the water cannot be passed from person to person.

The person should be buried on the day that they died. If that is not possible, then the person should be buried within 24 hours of his or her death. Special law exists for the tragic death of an infant less than eight days. If the baby dies then it must still be given a circumcision and a name.

After the burial, the mourners must go through a period of seven days of mourning called Shiva. The mourners sit low to the ground; either on the floor or on very low boxes on the floor. Anything that a person enjoys doing is forbidden during that period of seven days. Hair cuts are forbidden during the first 30 days. No baths can be taken for pleasure, only to clean oneself if in dire need. Leather cannot be worn. Marital relations are forbidden. Cosmetics and makeup is prohibited. The mourners cannot leave their house while sitting Shiva. The services and prayers for the deceased are said in the person's home. Cutting nails is forbidden. Gifts cannot be given to the mourners and mourners cannot give gifts to people. The mourners cannot listen to music or use most electrical appliances. No live music, no weddings or bar mitzvahs.

A new custom in secular societies has been to bring food to the house of the mourners. The reason this is done is because the mourners are not supposed to cook food. However, secular influence has made it that large quantities of food are being given to the mourners and this is forbidden. Only a small amount of food which is necessary should be brought to the mourners. Traditional food that is brought to the mourners is a bagel with a hard broiled egg. This symbolizes the circle of life and wheel of fortune and the power of god to take and give life. The best thing that can be done in memory of the deceased in to give to charity. Kadesh or the mourning prayer must be said by someone three times every day for the next 11 months. It is permissible to hire someone to say Kadesh everyday or have the Rabbi say Kadesh for you three times a day. The Kadesh prayer helps the person's soul in Geharim or the cleansing world go through the cleansing process and helps them get rid of their sins. In the first 30 days of mourning the family must light candles and cover mirrors in the house.

There can be no public display of mourning on the Sabbath or on festive holidays which are Passover, Sukkot and Shavuot. Shiva is not done on Shabbat but once Shabbat is over the mourners must resume sitting Shiva until the 7 days are over.

A monument of gravestone of the deceased must be erected within a year of their burial. Visiting the gravestone is also very important and must be visited frequently. Jewish law calls a cemetery by three different names: "Bayt Kakverot" which means the House of graves, "Bayt Olam" which means House of eternity, and Bayt Hachayim which means House of Living.