Joan Rivers, Terrorist?

If you thought the idea of a terrorist hiding a bomb in his underwear was a bit much, how about Joan Rivers being suspected of having terrorist ties? She does not wear a tie, so maybe terrorist jewelry? (Considering some of the stuff she sells, that might not be too far-fetched.)

The seventy-six year old Jewish comedian who once had a show on the Fox Network (prime al-Qaeda recruiting material there) was kept off a flight from Costa Rica to New Jersey when a Continental Airlines agent got suspicious about her having two different names on her passport: "Joan Rosenberg AKA Joan Rivers" (Rosenberg being her deceased husband's surname, as anyone who has watched television in the past few decades would know). With only a hundred dollars in cash and no ATM card (next time, don't leave home without it), Joan Rivers missed the last flight out of Costa Rica on Sunday evening.

"I tried the tears; they didn't work," she said on Monday, back in New York City. "I tried reasoning." When she said she was having a heart attack, paramedics were called. She was driven six and half hours to Costa Rica's main airport for a Monday morning flight. All in all, it sounds as if Joan Rivers escaped an Abu Ghraib style trauma, despite her record of hijacking in the United Kingdom (more).

So, for once, Janet Napolitano got it right. "The system worked," and we can all rest a little easier knowing that a Jewish, Republican grandmother who wears Manolo Blahniks, and whose bombs are only of the entertainment kind, was properly apprehended. If it turns out that an agent was required to search her underwear, let's consider a special commendation and a generous early retirement.

Of course, as humorous as the situation is, it is also serious. Can you imagine the hoopla if a celebrity were given preferential treatment by airport security? But, can you imagine a world in which Joan Rivers could, for a moment, be suspected of being a terrorist? The realization that if she ended up in the Guantanamo Bay detention camp, she would not have access to a plastic surgeon would surely have a deterrent effect on her.

Although this article is written with the sarcastic tone of Joan Rivers herself, it must be pointed out that she has a distinguished record of work for and donations to such charities as the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation, God's Love We Deliver, and Guide Dogs for the Blind.

For more information -

New York Daily News

New York Magazine / Daily Intel

The Village Voice / New York News Blog

Wikipedia