Job Seeking? Don't Forget to Wear Your Self-Confidence!

It's a simple fact that the economy BITES, lots of people are seeking jobs, and anything you can do to give yourself the slightest advantage may reap huge rewards. In surveys of traits that most often help job seekers get hired, self-confidence is listed AS OFTEN as skills and experience. So, if 10 minutes reading this article could help you appear confident, it would stand to reason that you may well enhance your job opportunities. If one single article could begin a metamorphosis in your own life that could lead to better self-esteem, would you take the steps outlined therein? If your answer to these questions is a resounding and emphatic "Yes! Bring it on!," then you've come to the right spot.

Becoming Confident is a Step-by-Step Process

Like anything you learn, developing confidence is a process, and requires a number of steps until you get to the point where you actually HAVE developed more self-assurance and a greater sense of self-esteem.

Step 1: Take Inventory

The first step in your becoming a confident person is to take an inventory of yourself. It's important in the various steps to self-assurance that you have this inventory in hand, so don't fudge on this-WRITE IT DOWN. A thorough and well-thought-out inventory may take several days as you allow yourself time to ruminate over the various items on the list.

Your personal inventory can be as wordy or as sparse as you'd like-you're likely to be the only one who will ever see it, so be quite candid with yourself. Simply sit down with a piece of paper and pen, draw a line down the middle, and label the two columns "Good" and "Bad" (being "good stuff" about you and "bad stuff" about you). Then just begin to list those things, being brutally honest with yourself.

Now, it's fairly easy to list some things, like "intelligent" and "laugh easily." It's harder to list things like "easy to anger" or "inflexible" or "too confrontational." And for those of us who have hidden behind our facade of humor and self-deprecation, it's even hard to write down things like "great eyes" or "nice skin." So take some time before taking your inventory to look in the mirror and be as easy on yourself as you'd be on your best friend.

Once you have your "good" and "bad" list, it's time to look at the personality underneath. What traits do you feel are possessed by "good" or "decent" people? Do you have those? Next, list words that you feel describe you, i.e., helpful, negative, argumentative, stubborn, loving, giving, etc. Again, assign these to the "good" and "bad" columns.

Third, look back at some of your actions and behaviors and list some of those. These can be things like whether you are a loyal friend, whether you spread vicious gossip, whether you go out of your way to hurt anyone or anything, and similar kinds of issues. Review actions of people whom you really like-and those you don't-to determine what should go on your list. For example, do you avoid someone who complains constantly? Do you avoid people whose only subject of conversation is themselves? Are you guilty of those issues?

The last part of taking your inventory is to evaluate what people would say about you if you died TODAY. Is it what you would WANT them to say about you? Make note of the things they would say today on the good or bad side, as applicable. At the very bottom of your list, write down the things you would WANT people to say about you after you die.

Steps 2 and 3: Evaluating Your Inventory and Implementing Change

Congratulations! You've taken the first step toward developing a better sense of self-confidence by taking a thorough and objective inventory of yourself. Now the most important steps-evaluating your personal inventory and implementing change-literally must be done together.

First, re-read your list of "bad" attributes, and as you read each entry, give some thought as to whether you wish to change that particular trait or action. Maybe at this time, you don't want to change something you've listed. For example, you may have listed "hard to get to know," "very private" or "shy." That may be a trait that you feel has kept you from being hurt unnecessarily, so you're not yet ready to alter that behavior or trait. If so, that's fine, just accept it and move on to the next item until you have reviewed each item on the list. By the end of reading your "bad" list, there should be one or two items (for me there were many more!) that you resolve to change. If so, make note of these and begin to seek ways to integrate these changes in yourself.

Next, read your list of "good" traits. For each of these items, take real ownership of it, realize within yourself that these traits and behaviors constitute the good that is within you. Take pride in yourself for those traits, assure yourself that these make you a valuable and good person, and review your resolve to change those things which will even yet improve your own self-worth. Keep your positive list handy so that you can refer to it often when you feel your self-confidence flagging. At least once daily, review your positive list, assure yourself that you are a valuable person, and take a few moments to repeat this to yourself.

Act Self-Confident Until You Get There

Believe it not, ACTING self-confident is the easiest things to teach someone, and ultimately consists of TWO actions. The first is when you greet someone, make eye contact. Truly make eye contact, not just a flitter toward their eyes and away, but make an eye connection. Then, offer a genuine smile. If you make an eye connection by chance, say at a redlight or passing someone on the sidewalk, you always have time to smile. It's actually pretty rare, and you'll be surprised at the reaction you receive.

If you are unaccustomed to truly making eye contact, you may want to practice in a mirror. Keep in mind that you want to make eye contact that appears friendly and inviting-you do NOT want to appear to be challenging or glaring. The easiest way to do this is going to sound very juvenile, but you must trust me on this-it works. Simply look into your own eyes in the mirror, think of something that truly brings a smile to your face-and then let that smile show from your eyes outward. When making eye contact with a smile, you are giving the message that you are friendly and pleased to make the acquaintance of the smile. In an interview situation, this kind of smile and a calm, composed demeanor will add comfort for both you and the interviewer.