John Gray's Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex

John Gray, Ph. D., is an internationally recognized expert on relationships. His popular series, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus , attempts to explain the differences between men and women and their way of communicating. Actually, the book succeeds in explaining the communication barrier.

It starts off to give you a scenario: Once upon a time Martians and Venusians met, fell in love, and had happy relationships together because they respected and accepted their differences. Then they came to Earth and amnesia set in: they forgot they were from different planets.

The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex, a #1 New York Times Bestseller, is chock full of these little helpful scenarios and makes it a more interesting read than your typical self-help relationship guide. And unlike other books, Grays playful and practical suggestions are more hands-on and gives you more than someone waxing poetic on relationships. Gray manages to speak to both men and women and thoroughly explain the perspectives of the opposite sex in a straightforward manner that has you nodding your head in agreement.

The purpose of this book is to inform the reader about the very different ways men and women communicate and then take it one step furthering in educating the reader how to accept it and avoid conflicts and hurt feelings by understanding the male/female mind.

Gray discusses how women want a friendly ear to talk to, to vent through problems and frustrations, only to become further upset that their partner keeps trying to throw solutions at her. Miscommunication. Men think they need to be Mr. Fix-It with the problems of women, which is not what they want. Gray also points out that woman can give unneccessary and unwanted "fixer upper" advice to men, which is also not what they want.

A big component to the books: men go to their "caves" and women want to "talk" and "rubberbanding". We know what "talking" means, but what does it mean for a man to go to his "cave"? Plenty of us have experienced a man who seems to have shut us out, is quiet and nonresponsive. We feel abandoned and unwanted.

This is not the case, states Gray. He says that men simply have a problem they need to deal with and so they retreat into their "mental" cave until he has found a solution or worked it out for himself. He assures the female readers that, yes, indeed, the man will eventually come back out of his cave, but warns that women not try to force a man who's not ready to talk, lest he retreat further into his cave. I've paid close attention to the "cave" metaphor and find it to be highly true. I doesn't have to do with me and if I wait patiently, my husband always comes back...which ties into rubberbanding.

Now, instead of telling you all about Gray's excellent prose on "rubberbanding", I'll let him do that. I feel that there is a lot that you can learn from this book that probably hadn't ever crossed your mind. I like the way it is written in a simple, direct manner and really delves deep into typical communciation disputes and how to resolve them.

His perspective is fresh, and more importantly, real and true. Addressing the perspective of a female would be hard for any man to do, but Gray hits the nail on the head as though he's one of my girlfriends. He really does understand how a female mind, as well as a male one, think and feel. It's no wonder this book has sold so many copies. John Gray's book are a self-help book that truly helps.