Jokes and One Liners for the Best Man's Speech

The duties of a "best man" in a wedding party have evolved greatly over the years. Today, his jobs include hosting a Bachelor Party, holding onto the rings during the service, and more. It's also his responsibility (and honor) to give a speech and toast the newly married couple at the wedding reception.

To properly toast the couple, the best man should first stand up. He'll then need to get the attention of the room before he proceeds farther. The best man can do this by raising a filled glass and lightly "tinking" it with his metal spoon or fork. Once the crowd has quieted down, he should announce to the wedding party and to the guests that he would like to make a toast.

The best man then raises his filled glass and holds it in the air. And, he begins his short, rehearsed speech.

What you, as the best man at a wedding reception, are going to say at this momentous occasion is very important, to say the least. Keep in mind that this is a special day in the lives of the bride and groom. You'll want to give a short speech of no more than three or four minutes that will honor the couple. You can add a little humor to the occasion too. Sprinkling your speech with a short joke or a few one-liners is often a good idea. It helps to entertain your audience. It also relieves stress and gives everyone a good laugh at the same time. But, keep your jokes and one-liners in good taste.

If you're having a hard time thinking up some good material you can use, you can use quotes as one liners from celebrities or historically famous people, such as:

1. "Keep your eyes wide open before marriage and half shut afterwards." -Benjamin Franklin

2. "Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave." -Martin Luther

3. "Marriage isn't a word... it's a sentence." -Unknown Author

4. "In order to be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all." -Unknown Author

5. "Here's to matrimony, the high sea for which no compass has yet been invented!" -Heinrich Heine

Or, try some short jokes such as one of these:

1. A married couple were driving along one day in the country. They had just had an argument, and now they were both being stubbornly quiet. They passed by a farm where goats, pigs, and
jackasses stood in the barnyard. The husband snorts, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife answered, "my in-laws."

2. "Dear, I invited a friend of mine over for dinner tonight."

"What?" the exasperated wife answers him. "Are you nuts? The house is a mess, I didn't go grocery shopping, the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking!"

"I know," replies the husband calmly. "That's why I invited him. The poor guy's thinking about getting married."

3. "Congratulations!" said the prospective groom's father to his son. "I'm sure you'll remember today as being the happiest day of your life."

"But I'm not getting married until tomorrow," replied the son.

"That's exactly what I mean."

Or, you can use a tasteful short poem or a limerick in the speech you give the couple at their wedding reception.

Here's a favorite poem you can add to your speech:

"Today you married your best friend,
The woman you have laughed with as you share life's wondrous zest,
As you find new joys and experience all that's best.
The one you live for because the world seems brighter,
As your happy times are better and your burdens feel much lighter.
The one woman you love with every fiber of your soul.
Once you were incomplete; now together, you are whole."
-Author Unknown

As you write your best man's speech, if you need more material or more inspiration, you can use snippets of songs and limericks, too. Just make sure they are in good taste.

For more good advice on wedding speech writing check out How to Write a Meaningful Wedding Toast by Stacey Chillemi and Jokes and One Liners for the Bride's Speech by Kassidy Emmerson.