Jon and Kate Plus Eight: Wedding in Hawaii

It's off to Hawaii for the Gosselins, specifically to Maui's Grand Wailea, which has invited them for a fantabulous trip including a renewal of their 9-year-old wedding vows. The day has finally arrived, and hopefully now we can all stop running from the room screaming each time TLC runs its Beautiful Life promo for the Gosselin Wedding Month Extravaganza.

We start out by seeing some black and white footage of Jon and Kate at their original wedding. Jon looks basically the same; Kate sounds like a different, much less cynical person than the woman we now know. Kate tells us that at their first wedding, they were young and "didn't really value" the ceremony. Well, "value" is a phrase that will not be heard at the Grand Wailea, which apparently spared no expense for the Gosselins.

Kate tells us, over and over and over, that they are renewing their vows because not all mommies and daddies stay together, and this ceremony will show the kids that this mommy and daddy are staying together forever, gosh darnit. This is repeated throughout the show, in case you miss it the first five or six times. And that's a good thing, because I know that at age four, I was pretty concerned about my parents staying together .

We also learn via Kate that while their parents and other relatives were at the first wedding, this wedding will feature "a whole different set of family", namely Jon's relatives in Hawaii. One wonders why apparently NONE of Jon and Kate's relatives or friends in the contiguous 48 made the journey. With the vast sums TLC must have spent on this trip, surely flying a few more people out would have been chump change. Or, perhaps it's that Jon and Kate didn't want or didn't invite their parents or other relatives. Inquiring minds wonder ...

We see the family rehearsing the ceremony in a lovely little chapel, and Kate informs us that Mady will be Maid of Honor.

"I don't want to!" Mady insists, to which Kate counters, "She was so excited!"

"No, I wasn't," Mady corrects. You've gotta love Mady. I think she is onto the trainwreck that her family's life has become, and she's getting tired of playing along.

Kate then tells us that the spa "wants us to do treatments in the morning," so off go the females of the family, as Jon tells the girls to leave their Crocs behind and wear open-toed shoes so as not to mess up their pedicures.

We see the girls putting on fluffy white robes and trailing through the luxurious spa, looking adorable.

"Why are we wearing these?" ask one of the tups, and a spa employee tells her, "So you'll feel pampered."

"What's that?" presses the tup. Well, kiddo, it's pretty much your life lately. Don't get too used to it though; sooner or later you'll have to grow up.

Kate excitedly tells us that this is the little girls' first pedicure. Wow - they are four and this is the first time they've gotten pedicures? Slackers.

Meanwhile, Jon is greeting his family members in an awkward scene. Grandma tells Jon, "You look more handsome than in those episodes," and another relative shares that he has not seen Jon in over 20 years, which would have put Jon right about the age Cara and Mady are now. Ah, nothing like a wedding with your close family and friends.

It's now 15 minutes until wedding time, and Jon gets the boys ready in their white shorts and muted Hawaiian shirts, which he searched for in shops all over the island. He says he wanted something they could wear again. Kate, hearing this, seems mildly amused and says, "That's good, honey!" With all the free clothes coming in from Gymboree, she probably doesn't think about having the kids re-wear things anymore.

Okay, this is it. We see the family walking along outside, the 'tups in boy/girl pairs leading the family behind various interesting characters who are blowing horns, hula-ing, and doing other stereotypically Hawaiian things. Jon and Kate stand in a "circle of love" made of flowers. The minister has no sooner than welcomed the guests when Kate tells him, "Excuse me", saying she needs to talk to the kids, who are apparently oblivious to the fact that there's a wedding taking place. Seriously, watching them play reminds me why many brides and grooms don't want kids in their wedding parties.

"Sit!" she tells them sternly, to the audience's apparent amusement. She is surprised that people find this funny, and reminds us that at this wedding, she and Jon have to parent along with the easy stuff like repeating their vows.

We hear the vows, including Jon's promise to try to ask Kate how he can help her, in times of stress. She loves this.

For her part, Kate promises to "speak more gently." Hmm ... that'll be good to see. She also mentions something to the effect of them being together 90 more years, which she explains is a play on the 9 years of marriage they've endured so far.

Kate mentions that she wanted the kids to "hear our words", although from the looks of things, they think it's recess time. Seriously, throughout the ceremony the kids seem to be paying zero attention to the wedding itself.

As for the guests, they consist of about 2 dozen people, ostensibly Jon's Hawaiian relatives. They follow the family to the grand reception, with all kinds of fancy and expensive food being served along with a gorgeous cake. Kate tells us she had only ever met two of the relatives prior to their trip, and that "Jon's family was excited to see me and meet me." Hopefully Kate will be willing to sign autographs for them.

"Most of you we have never met," Kate tells the audience at the reception, before she and Jon (and the kids, in a cute moment) begin to dance as the episode winds down.

We see the family packing up, which makes them (well, at least Jon and Kate) quite sad. "We'll come back," Kate says. "Soon," as she looks at Jon, who nods kind of reluctantly. I think he knows as well as she does that the Grand Wailea isn't likely to fork over another freebie like this right away.

And so it's back to lowly Pennsylvania for the Gosselins. For better or for worse, they are now officially together forever.