Jong Il Releases Line of Male Underwear

(Pyongyang, North Korea) Leader of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea, Kim Jong Il, has recently launched a new line of men's underwear in an effort to boost his personal spending power.

The Korean Central News Agency interrupted its nightly news programming yesterday in order to broadcast approximately forty-three minutes of advertisements concerning the new undergarment line. Jong Il himself modeled several styles and colors of underwear of the new line. The North Korean leader ended the broadcast with a message to his countrymen, stating that all male citizens of the socialist country would be required to purchase and don the underwear under penalty of death. Jong Il also outlined the formation and implementation of a undergarment corps, an elite secret police charged with performing random underwear checks on the populace to enforce the decree.

The boxer-briefs are embroidered with an image of the leader's face, smiling jubilantly under his signature Ralph Macchio-style sunglasses. Other articles on the underwear line include boxers checkered with Jong Il's visage and thong underpants that display the slogan "Protect Your Jong."

The fashion campaign was recently launched by Jong Il to bring in extra revenue to Pyongyang. The leader is apparently planning to use the proceeds to purchase an extensive collection of adult videos, particularly DVDs starring Sylvia Saint. Jong Il has also allegedly taken an interest in alternative medicine and hopes to use much of the underwear profits to purchase a store of the finest aphrodisiac Indonesian tiger penis.